Sunday, 9 October 2016

sonna ka o shi te ru ki mi to

This video above is something sweet. I watched this during 2010 at Bintulu, when "Welcome to NHK" was aired at ASTRO that time.


Seeing this video again, made me reflect on my life.

I was that inclusive insecure guy, and somehow my wife now, was an insecure girl, our story is quite alike the Welcome to NHK series.

The big age difference between us also is quite the same. (she's born in 1989 while i'm 1982)

I realise we just knew each other for just a short period before we got engaged and tie the knot. 

And yet,

sonna ka o shi te ru ki mi to. 

(if you want to know the meaning then go to 0:30 seconds of the video)

Met lots of people, went thru ups and downs, and somehow, I also didn't expect that I would got engaged and married. 

My life was hecticly shit and busy back then.

She was drowned in her own sorrow back then.

Maybe, both of us need saving from our lives, and yet somehow, some alignment in the stars, some writing at God's leaves, at some moment back then, we saved each other's life, I guess.

“Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.”
Gustave Flaubert

Sunday, 2 October 2016


This post is nothing about religion or preaching, yet I will start this post with 1 verse from Al Quran, from the Surah Adh-Dhariyat.

And in yourselves. Then will you not see? (Verse 21 from the Surah Adh Dhariyat)

The Arabic word "Tubsirun" is from the Arabic root word "Basar" which means "vision"

And the word Tubsirun here means "observe".

Notice how closely the pronounciation of the Arabic word "Tubsirun" and "observe" is.

But let's not speculate on that. 

There's someone on Facebook, whom I knew, who likes to speculate on this and that based on small facts like this.
It's better to read, just like when you studied in your school/universities days, and observe, rather than to speculate endlessly, guessing here and there.

I attached herewith one article on what I want to say about "observation".

In poker, there is a concept called "tilt."

When a poker player is on tilt, that means he's angry, and his anger is interfering with his judgment. A player on tilt will tend to play aggressively, but not in a good way — he'll make big bets when he has a bad hand, and then he'll lose.

You might remember the climactic scene in "Rounders," in which Mike McDermott discovers his poker nemesis Teddy KGB has a serious "tell." You can figure out whether Teddy has a good hand based on the way he eats his Oreos.

One way to use this information would be to keep quiet, sit back, watch him eat, and bet accordingly. But Mike realizes that if he reveals to Teddy that he knows about the tell, Teddy will flip out and go on tilt, making bad choices and ultimately losing all his chips.

This is roughly what Hillary Clinton did to Donald Trump on Monday. It worked better than Clinton could possibly have imagined.

Ahead of Monday night's debate, one of the facts we knew about Clinton's preparation was that she was consulting with a team of psychologists about how to get under Trump's skin.

"Her campaign is preparing ways for her to unnerve Mr. Trump and provoke him to rant and rave," The New York Times reported.

This worked during the debate. But more impressively, it has worked for days after the debate.

Clinton has gotten Trump to spend the whole week litigating the question of whether he was out of line to publicly humiliate then-Miss Universe Alicia Machado over her weight gain in 1996.

Clinton based her debate strategy on a key insight: Trump has poor impulse control, but he is more impulsive at some times than others. He is not always an uncontrollable pile of sputtering rage — he was more controlled than normal during the month leading up to the debate — but if you find the right way to provoke him, you can send him off the rails.

Over the past few months, he has seemed less able to stifle himself when he is under attack (as during the Democratic convention) when he believes his campaign aides are second-guessing his choices (as when Paul Manafort was too openly discussing the need for Trump to change) or when he is slipping in the polls (the way he was immediately after the Democratic convention). 
Having observed this, Clinton set off a series of dominoes.
She attacked Trump where he is sensitive — calling him "Donald," questioning his wealth, bringing up past feuds — and got him not only to lash out in self-destructive ways but also to be so distracted by the need to lash out that he forgot to bring up key attacks on Clinton.

After Trump flunked the debate, his advisers predictably leaked all over about how they tried and failed to get him to prepare. This further angered Trump, leading his campaign to organize a conference call with surrogates and supporters instructing them to stop leaking and start saying Trump had won the debate.

The substance of that conference call predictably leaked too, leading the man who practically invented the phrase "many people are saying" to tweet at 3:20 a.m. that any story about his campaign based on anonymous sources was based on lies.

The bad debate has also hurt Trump's poll standing, and as Trump comes to realize the polls are deteriorating he will most likely become angrier and more erratic — at a time when he ought to be trying to become calmer and more prepared for the next debate on October 9.

Alicia Machado turns out to have had a more checkered past than most people realized on debate night, a fact that makes some people wonder whether the Clinton campaign fully vetted her before putting her in the national spotlight.
My guess is the Clinton campaign knew exactly what it was doing.

What i write here is an advice to myself as well.

And always be aware that others are observing you too.

In Malaysia social media, people are now talking about people using fake PHDs for business.

Observation is a two-way path.

If you doing business and using fake PHDs for advantages, be aware of the power of observation. 

For me, being a guy working in construction, I learnt why one of my boss, is such a silent guy.

I realised that actually he was just being "poker-face" about it, hence, giving him a powerful observation tool.

The idea is, if you are "poker-face", people are unable to read you, they will try to make you go "tilt", but all you do is just stay calm, collect and analyse useful informations and make beneficial judgements by it.
It is efficient. Energy saving yet produces maximum benefit.

Why bother being famous?

In Malaysian social media, everybody strives to be famous.

Either being trolls/jokers, celebrity by looks/talents, gossipy, and whatever, trying to get Likes as much as possible.
In actual, whether they realise or not, it is the business of entertainment. What they are doing is "entertainment". 

I took quite sometime to realise this, when I last resigned from my job previously out of frustration, and wanting to write.

I somehow realised, what I did on the time between was, nothing but "entertainment".

People read to fill in their time in the Net. Just like what you are doing now, reading this blog.

And in the business of "entertainment", no matter how good your goods is, popularity and likes is what will get you through.
Whether your product is good or not, it can only be seen in the long run.
It is because "entertainment" world runs on trends and fads.

In my youth in Kajang, I had friends and relatives who are playing music gigs, recording demos, etc.
There are tons of good demos that are not going to make it..
But day by day, new demos, new things will come out.  It is because people are passionate.
Being famous just advertise your products better.

It makes your star shines brighter so people can observe you more than other tiny dots.

But I think, in the end, the product is what stands through.

You are your own business, it is up to you to spend much time and effort, on "advertisement" or "product development".

And always be aware that others are observing you too.

Friday, 16 September 2016

a jar of honey entitled silence

One day the great Greek philosopher Socrates (469 - 399 BC) came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Three?", exclaimed the student.

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. 

The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"Oh no," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. 

Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"Well, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. 

Maybe I'm getting old, but as you might notice, I seldom comment about things in Malaysia, whether politics, news, etc.

But I'm tired of my daily work, daily routines, problems and difficulties which I seldom share because as a guy, I hate to be bitchy about the difficulties I endure.

Man have round shoulders for bearing heavy loads - what Dave Mustaine sings in Megadeth's song Ashes in Your Mouth.

And so in this tiredness of life struggles, I no longer tend to tire myself with small stories of people, politics, news, etc.

I am called wise, for my hearers always imagine that I myself possess wisdom which I find wanting in others: 

but the truth is, O men of Athens, 

that God only is wise; 

and in this oracle he means to say that the wisdom of men is little or nothing... 

as if he said, He, O men, is the wisest, who like Socrates, knows that his wisdom is in truth worth nothing. 

And so I go on my way, obedient to the god, and make inquisition into anyone, whether citizen or stranger, who appears to be wise;

 and if he is not wise, then in vindication of the oracle I show him that he is not wise; 

 and this occupation quite absorbs me, and I have no time to give either to any public matter of interest or to any concern of my own, but I am in utter poverty by reason of my devotion to the god.

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

nothing easy

In this writing, I'm trying to explain my understanding of the concept of "heart-work".

And in understanding these, I hope to explain some few things in life:-

1. MLM(yes, multilevel marketing)/pyramid scheme/ponzi
2. why Engineers, lawyers, doctors or those who are considered as "professionals" are usually paid high salary.
3. the concept of honesty in working life.

First, as a Muslim, I believe in the Islamic way, but I think just preaching and hammering this view to others, might not be accepted or viewed wrongly, as people are diverse in their religion, background, etc.

Once, a junior engineer asked me the question in point 2, rather than telling him about Islamic view, I told him to read Adam Smith's view.

He's from  UTP and so I thought my idea suits him. It turns out it bores him to death, so in the end I just kept quiet and let him think and study for himself, for his own understanding. I'm not paid being his lecturer.

So, let us refer to Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations, where the views are academic and could be accepted whatever religion you are.,%20Ch.8,%20Of%20the%20Wages%20of%20Labour,%20Ch.10,%20Of%20Wages%20and%20Profit%20in%20the%20Different%20Employments%20of%20Labour%20and%20Stock

I'll take excerpts here to simplify the reading :-

1. "The five following are the principal circumstances which, so far as I have been able to observe, make up for a small pecuniary gain in some employments, and counter-balance a great one in others: 

first, the agreeableness or disagreeableness of the employments themselves; 

 secondly, the easiness and cheapness, or the difficulty and expense of learning them; 

thirdly, the constancy or inconstancy of employment in them; 

fourthly, the small or great trust which must be reposed in those who exercise them; and

fifthly, the probability or improbability of success in them. "

2. Honour makes a great part of the reward of all honourable professions. In point of pecuniary gain, all things considered, they are generally under-recompensed, as I shall endeavour to show by and by.......

And the most important point :-

3. We trust our health to the physician; our fortune and sometimes our life and reputation to the lawyer and attorney. Such confidence could not safely be reposed in people of a very mean or low condition.
Their reward must be such, therefore, as may give them that rank in the society which so important a trust requires. 

The long time and the great expense which must be laid out in their education, when combined with this circumstance, necessarily enhance still further the price of their labour. 

 Point No. 3 is the answer to Question No. 2.
 Not only the Professional provide product or services, the most important thing that makes it "Professional" is the confidence of trust on the Professional's skills.

The higher pay reflects the trust on the ability of the Professional.

Hence, it is vital for Professional to maintain this trust, that's why we have Board Of Engineers, Board of Architects, (I don't know for exact for Lawyers, doctors, and other professionals)

I believe in this.

That's why economic collapse mostly starts at US Wall Streets where lots of execs got paid highly without actually offering any value added product or services.

Just words, twisting around the facts, beating around the bushes.

In economy, the driving force for labour should be the product or service.

If you acquire profit, not by offering service by product, but by recruitment, then it is wrong, no matter what you say.

MLM'ers try to mix things by offering both service/product, and profit by recruitment.

It will fail.

It is because Profit by recruitment cannot be counter back by the cost of products, unless you sell the goddam product at a higher cost.

Never ever involve yourself in an arrangement where the profit by recruitment is included.

It is not only dishonest in any religion-istic view, it will crumble too.

One MLM try to deceive me by promoting me skincare products.

Their explaination of things are never straight forward, not suitable for people like me who earn a living by reading construction drawings, tender specifications, technicals specs, etc.

But I'll be surprised should any engineers got cheated by MLM, or even join one.

Please respect engineering, please.

(video above just reminiscing my childhood..people will use this video to shoot my idea above but hell I don't care)

Note : One of the reason for me to continue writing this blog in English because English is not my mother-tongue, and it takes effort for me to write and think in English. A practice that should be helpful in my line of work.
You'll see grammatic errors.

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

some stories

Here are just some stories I want to record down, so I can remember the wisdom or idea with it.


When I came back from Dubai on 2009, the world back then was in a economic crunch due to US housing bubble.

I was back after 3 years stint in Dubai. and Unemployed for few months.

Somehow I was bloody lucky, when a friend offered me a job.

I was Mechanical-based, the job offer was Electrical QC. I just took it though.
The best thing was this job was in Bintulu, the MLNG 2 Bottlenecking Project.

You can read it here.

I learnt lots of things there, high voltages power installation works.

But I was totally shocked with the attitudes of most Oil&Gas guys there.

Most are rudely proud and arrogant.

People who just embarass people, labelling people incompetent and shit.

That friend of mine who offered me the job, well he is humble, and even today he is still his old humble self even though his experience in Electrical-based ONG's job is older than most people I knew.

I had some brush-off with those proud guys, I don't want to tell into details of shit stories. But let me assure you :-

Build your skill. And avoid negative assholes.

The money you'll get will somehow gives you peace of mind in your home and your families.


There's no need to tell technical things just to show off you know.
Engineers are paid to solve.

So just build skills so you can solve. There's no need to talk much.

And be humble.

At least people will still hold relationships with you dearly. You might need people sometime, somewhere, as much as I needed when I came back from Dubai broken in 2009.


A story at my current project with the Koreans.

By the way, for info, I'm no longer Project Manager of the job anymore, I've been demoted to Project Engineer again but hell, I feel relieved.

Because the salary is still the same whether i'm PM or PE. (PE = project engineer). It's just a title to make things convenient for the company and the job.

Anyhow, the story here is about a Chinese guy who is younger than me, but which I adore and respect.

This guy, a Project Engineer, but went thru some shit like me, when he became acting Project Manager for his company.

And hell, he got screwed, pissed, humiliated, battered and bruised by the Korean Main-Con.
In meetings, Whatsapp groups, sitewalk.

But hell, this guy persevere.

I watched him with adoration because I knew, if I'm at his shoes, I\ll just leave the bloody job.
(well, I did resign a few times but was persuaded again)

The most amazing thing, was few weeks ago.

His company was not up to par with the installation job at a certain area in the job-site. Ceiling tee was closing but his installation job was quite far behind.

I understand and sympathised, because I knew there's nothing much he can do.

What happen was, during the meeting,

he tried to answer professionally, but the grilling by the Main-Con and Architect was too great,


The Architect (SO) kick him out of the meeting.

You know what this guy did?

He just stayed there. Keeping quiet trying to control his emotion. But stayed and kept silent.

The silence in the room was around 3-4 minutes. And yet he did not leave.

Somehow the meeting went on. But the Architect stopped referring to him and told him to shut up whenever he tried explaining.

And in the next two hours or so, he just stayed there in silence.

After two hours, The Architect wanted an answer to a site-problem, but nobody could answer.

This guy did not bother to answer as he was told to shut up earlier.

 The most fascinating thing was,

The Architect asked the guy how to solve the problem.

He stood up, sketch some detailed installation sketch and showed it to the Architect.

And he explained, the Architect listened and accepted his solution.

If I was that guy, I probably :-
1. Leave the room and gave the boss a resignation notice.
2. Or just say "don't know" when the Architect asked.

I knew then, this guy is somebody. He's not the average guy. He will one day do great things.

I knew of Three Kingdoms stories,
and I likened this guy to Liu Bei.

When I think of this guy, I remembered the story of how Liu Bei pretended to grow vegetables and avoid praises about himself. 
(You can read the story above)

And so, as curious as a cat, I checked his background.

Even though he's young, the Company gave him also the responsibility of distributing salaries to some low-skilled workers who are paid daily.

Even my own Company did not gave me petty cash for this job.

After asking the supervisors and friends,

I learned that he is the son of one of the bosses owning his Company.

Sometimes, in life, you just meet with this kind of people who are bred in nobility.

I'm thankful to meet this guy.

He's different, like mountain and the sky, with another Chinese engineer which is working for the Korean Main Con.

His whatsapp is full of sarcastic and humiliation of people. He once snap a photo of his middle finger to some sub-contractor Company logo just because the job not up to par.

I don't respect this shit guy, even though he drove a Ducatti bike to work.

I guess the earlier guy will one day manage a Company, while the shit guy will probably just retire with his EPF savings.

The reading below is good.

And two good things I found in Facebook.

I don't bother commenting what happen in Malaysia lately, the small minor issues, about actress commenting about hijab/tudung, some abuse that happened at tahfiz, etc.

Because I believe,

Lose small minds, you'll free your life.

Life is a waterfall
we're one in the river,  and one again after the fall 

Swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all.... 

'Cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay 

and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose 

Aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life 

Life is a waterfall
we drink from the river then we turn around and put up our walls 

Swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all... 

'Cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay

and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose 

Aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life 

Aerials, so up high
when you free your eyes eternal prize

(Photo : Cover of Depeche Mode album "Some Great Reward" from