Friday, 19 January 2018

affixed by disconcern

Source of the next 13 photos:

And the source of the below photo is my wife.
my niece, Chayra, 19 Jan 2018

Today, Chayra is sick with diarrhea. She's tired but she want to play, but she was tired and is tired.

Me too.

I told myself, there's no need to update the blog, to bla bla so much in the social media, but I'm just like Chayra.

I'm tired but I want to play, but I was tired and am tired now.

Too many things in the social media, from Undirosak movement,
an Indian kid who got killed at a low cost flat just because some dickhead threw a chair from above,
a non Muslim who debated Islamic stuff with a Muslim in FB,
the news and the feeds,
the noises,
and all the other noises, 
whether white noises, background noises, screams, whispers, propaganda,'s just that everyone want to speak, because they think, to validate their existence, to validate their thoughts.

I'm like Chayra, I'm tired but I wanted to make pretty speeches in the social media.

Instead, I felt numb and dumb.

Actually over this week, I've written few things, about my argument with my wife, some things about friends, people in the social media, 3-4 writings at my PC,

but then at this moment, I'm just overwhelmed by a mega magnitude of disconcern.

So here it is. A blog entry with the spirit of art collage.

Since I've wasted your time reading this, I guess it's pretty good to actually give you back something worthwhile. So here it is. Go and download it

Jacques Derrida

Albert Camus

Soren Kierkegaard

Immanuel Kant

Martin Heidegger

Jean Paul-Sartre

Friedrich Nietzsche

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Baruch Spinoza

Arthur Schopenhauer

Rene Descartes

Noam Chomsky

Hannah Arendt

Syed Naquib al-Attas

Karl Marx

Syed Hussein Alatas

Rabindranath Tagore


Leo Tolstoy

Saturday, 6 January 2018

poor mentality

Next week I will start back working full time, so I'll just update an entry here before I get busy.


As there are people out side Malaysia reading this, I had to explain a bit as simple as possible in my story.

Well in Malaysia, there are many races, and 3 predominant race here are Malays (the native, although technically this fact can be debated), Chinese and Indians.

Cultural assimilations happens, but no matter how you understand and tolerate each other,
you can't really change the color of your skin.
(I used the phrases "cant really change" because there are people who did plastic surgery to make themselves "white", yet they are still perceived as their original race)

 It is an open secret among us Malaysians, that there is a "divide", that still exist, you can say it due to income inequality and whatever reasons out there.

There is still stigma that Malays are lazy, Chinese are greedy, Indians are drunken people,
and other stigma,
that Malaysian use to "shoot" each other whenever some shit occurs.

Yet, when Nicol David became World Champion in squash from 2005 to 2012,
nobody in Malaysia question her race.
Because she was successful, everybody want to identify with her,
hence people called her as Malaysian.

So do Tony Fernandes (Air Asia boss) and Lee Chong Wei.

So my idea here,
don't get butthurt if you're a victim of racism.

For me, those who have this racist mindset, usually, have poor mentality in their mind.

Get successful and nobody will bother about your race.

Playlist I'm listening today.

  1. 1- Home Alone (00:00)
  2. 2- Chevalier Bulltoe (01:35)
  3. 3- Tonton Alain Michel (05:07)
  4. 4- Festivalbini (10:24)
  5. 5- Motte-Rock (13:38)
  6. 6- Osao San (17:39)
  7. 7- Eric Colson (22:10)
  8. 8- Tigers & Gorillas (28:29)

0:00 Brocolissimo 1:36 Yaaaago 5:03 Trop fort Jéjé 8:13 Saveur cheveux 11:48 Beverly Pills 17:19 Ouad & Khaled 19:22 Tomate polisson 23:15 100% repos 31:26 Clara mystère 36:53 Gérard Blast 41:39 Come to Mexico


Friday, 5 January 2018

Life is but postponement of defeats

Someone I knew is in a predicament, which I could not do much help.

I knew he wanted to vent out his frustration, but I kinda cut the conversation, and just told him my idea how to solve it, and not to think so much about being failures and those negative thoughts, because I don’t want him to turn up depressed.

When a few people, close and personal to me, died, passed away throughout my life,

after the prayers, the Fatihah, Yasin and tahlil.

I will pickup my acoustic guitar (gitar kapok) and play this Carcass - Polarised endlessly in repetition, to cope with the loss.

In this video, the minute 1:56 above is the beauty of this song. Actually I could not play that part as perfect as this fella, I improvised a bit to get the sound closest to it.

The feeling is what Chairil Ahmad said “Life is but postponement of defeats.”

.And after that, you got to rise and continue on with your life.

This too deals with the same theme of feeling "hollow".