Sunday, 29 December 2013

Conflicts (edited 30 dec 2013)

"Reuters reports that Russia is planning on deploying a new type of long range missiles sometime in 2018. These missiles will be replacing the Cold War missile known as “Satan” to the West. A military commander has said on December 17, 2013 that this is a sign to the United States that Russia is steadily improving their nuclear weaponry.
A new Intercontinental Ballistic Missile is being called the Sarmat. it’s being developed to replace the RS-20B Voyevoda. This information comes from the commander of Russia’s strategic Rocket Forces, General Sergei Karakayev.
“We are counting on being armed with this qualitatively new missile system … by 2018-2020,” he was quoted as saying.”


As Christmas is celebrated,  Muslims in Malaysia are debating with each other whether it is sinful to wish Merry Christmas to others, but I felt that this issue are simply un-necessary.

Simply because it’s a public holiday.

A holiday granted by Malaysian Government to everyone, Muslims included.

So why bother so much? Just relax la!

Because I was working on site on that Christmas day, arranging pipeworks to be carried out so that datelines can be achieved, and so I really could not understand why people want to make so much noise of an issue of it when they themselves reap the profit - enjoying the holidays of another religion.

The solution is simple.

If you think wishing Merry Christmas is sinful, then just wish Happy Holidays.

Why have a long discussion of it, quoting Hadis and Quran when you just can simplify the solution?


In a way, that’s why war and conflict rages.

You see, during the old ages, men are ruled by one, yet somehow, as man progresses, men are then ruled by few, and as age and time goes on, men are ruled by groups.

Simply because, conflicts serve a platform for people to become better than others, and in a way, the weak ones are pitifully eradicated and manipulated.

View this, as you will view trading in free market, the one proposed by Adam Smith.

A product to be sold, has to compete with other product, and so it either reduces its cost or maximise its value.


And when people compete, people usually gets the best out of it in some other way.

Believe it or not, World War 1 and 2, the Cold War did serve a great platform for many technological advances we enjoyed today.

Even the Internet was first developed as a communication network for US defense system.


The superpower image of US, is mainly because of Hollywood. The dominance of entertainment industry ensures that the image of superpower of US embedded in the minds of people globally.

Why must The Avengers be in US, when US holds a trillion debt to the world?

Why couldn’t Spiderman arise in Iran where the global world comment about its nuclear potential (the radiation of the spider bite)

Actually, there is a decrease in science and tech in US right now.

People buy Samsung handphones made in South Korea. Softwares are being sub-contracted to engineers in India to reduce costs.

To me, if the Malay Muslims are competitive and progressive, they wouldn’t give a shit whether wishing Christmas to other Non-muslims is sinful or not. They would have made lots of Christmas Cards, sell it and make profits. Then use the profits to help other Muslims.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

labelling in Malaysia

One aspect of politics in Malaysia, is labelling.

One will be labelled as Islamist, Wahabist, Syiah, liberal, communist, etc.

Actually, looking back at Malaysia history, labelling has been used extensively.

There was a bloody conflict in Malaysia during the 50’s up to the 80’s. It was labelled as Malayan Emergency. It was never called a war even though people got killed, houses burned, childrens losing fathers and mothers.

Yet it was not called a war. It is an Emergency.

I learned that it was called an Emergency, one of the fact is because if it’s termed as war, then the losses could not be claimed from insurance. At that time, British still owns lot of assets in plantations, buildings and so forth, declaring it an Emergency is more beneficial from them.

The guy who founded Malaysian Islamic Party (a major opposition party in Malaysia up to this date) is Dr. Burhanuddin Helmy. But he was arrested under Internal Security Act on 1965, because he once joined Kesatuan Muda Melayu which fought for independence. And this KMM was label as left wing communist just because that time,Malaya is still under British rule.

After Malaya got its independence in 1957, Dr Burhanuddin was still seen as communist by the pro-British govt, even though he was the president of PAS. And this led to his arrest in 1965.

Now the issue of Sunni Syiah, like those seen in the conflicts of Iraq, has arisen in Malaysia. Why?

Somehow this has got to do with labelling.

Because at this present time, in the ranks of PAS, there were people of the Gen X, those who become adults during the uprising in Iran. And because PAS fight for political Islam, they are seen as the same Syiah whom uprise in Iran, toppled the Shah and installed Khomeini as the new ruler.

I find that the subject of war, history and world politics history to be so amazing, simply because it is like engineering, the result always repeats by itself.

Sunday, 15 December 2013

a difference of mindset btw malays and chinese

both talk with profanity but with different mindset
But you will see, malays usually talks of comfort and religion, when chinese talk of money and progress.


I reached home at 12 in the morning as I came out from my site office around 10pm midnite.

Yes no life.

But I will try my best to persevere because in life, no pain, no gain

Sometime on my way back from Klang to my house in Kajang just now, I stopped for a while at a 7-E I used to stopped by, because I needed to withdraw some cash.

I had none in my wallet, and traveling with no money is dangerous. And ATM machine usually do not operate after 11pm.

A Malay guy working at the counter, who knew me as a regular, then started a conversation.

G for Guy
M for Me, myself.
60k = RM 60,000 or Ringgit Malaysia Sixty Thousand

G : Abang ni contractor ke? (Are you a contractor?)

M : Ha? Tak lah, saya macai je..kenapa?  (Emmm no, but I am employed by one, but why?)

G : Oh saya nak citer, kalau abang minat nak beli lesen. (Nothing, just that if you are interested in buying a licence..)

M : Ha? Lesen apa? (What licence?)

G : Lesen kontraktor kelas F. (Licence for Class F Contractors)

M: Ha? (What?)

G : Kalau abang nak, abang bleh apply kt member saya, abang cuma perlu bayar 60k je, nanti dia uruskan. (If you want, I will help you with the help of my friend, you only need to pay 60k, he will arrange the rest).

M : Hahaha aku macai je, mana ada duit banyak tu (Hahaha I am employed by others as I don't have that much money )

First thing, there's no such thing as buying a licence.

Licence, like your driving licence, is some qualification that you have to apply for in order for you to be given a permission to do something.

Now, I will use the analogy of a driving licence to help you understand, then I will explain my point.

You don't sell your driving licence to others. Unless, that guy who's buying your licence has to become you, the same fella in the picture in the driving licence.

Otherwise, if you buy your driving licence from someone who already possess a driving licence, you need to change the photo with your photo, but you can't really change the name inside the driving licence.

You can only fraud so much.

Nevertheless, replacing the name and  the picture in the licence is a fraud.

Ok, so how about the story behind the Class F Licence contractor?

Actually that guy, is trying to sell me a COMPANY which already possess a Class F Contractor licence for 60k.

With Class F licence, you can apply for government contracts, but under the name of the COMPANY that is registered under the licence.

And so, you think, who is in the right mind to sell you a profitable company for 60k?

1. The profit is too small that he had to sell it for 60k.


2. The company has too much loss that he needs to cover it by selling it with the price of 60k.

And so, if I'm stupid enough to pay the friend of 7-E  cashier, 60k, the best I can get is a company which is not profitable, or worse, had debts of much money which liability is now transferred to me.

Worse case scenario, I will get cheated.

Anyway, the 7-E guy is a Malay.

It pains me to think of Malays making quick money doing this kind of thing. Because they are Muslims, like me.

But then, Chinese also cheats, Malay also cheats.

Friday, 13 December 2013

livin' on a prayer

part A :-

this Friday the 13th morning, I woke up only to find my android phone gave an alert message.

Somebody changed the password to my email, and so the phone could not access the email.


This ain't the first time, the first time it happened was on last Wednesday.

Both incidents also caused my blog to be "removed" from Net.

Last Wednesday, this havoc caused me to get screwed up by my boss that Wednesday morning as I couldn't print out the "smoke curtain installation weekly report" from my Sub-con, for that morning's meeting.

Somehow, I called a friend to help and, I retrieve both the email and blog is being reloaded to the Net.

It happened again this morning.

Now, I don't know what caused this, whether some computer virus or some shit asshole.

My primary concern is my email which is connected to this blog, is also being used for my job.

You may think it is just easy for me to just register a new email.

Hell, I had to re-print all my name cards for my email, had to tell my boss, my clients, my-sub-cons, the BOMBA officers in charge of my project, just to tell that my email's changed, due to hacking?

This does not include those registrations I made with this email, IEM, BEM, etc.

The first time this happens, I don't care as long as I got my stuff back.

But the 2nd time it happened, I notice it always happens whenever I commented regarding Islamic stuff.

Part B:

Nevertheless, I should count my blessings, this afternoon, as I got back my email, my blog and completed this.

If the hack is caused by a virus, then I'm cleaning this laptop, but if it were caused by a hacker, well, I want to show Dear Hacker this photos.

Dear Hacker must have gotten my email password, and read my emails and for sure he/she must have read about a report for a smoke curtain pre-Test for BOMBA.

Well, Dear Hacker, thanks for not screwing up too much, as I did completed the planned smoke test as per below photo, despite having the trouble caused by your act.

Notice on this photo, you can see the areas of the shop.

now, the smoke test starts by releasing smoke into the area

by this time, the smoke detector detected the smoke
then it gave signal to the Fire Alarm Panel, which then switches on all the bell in the building.
The fire alarm bells rings throughout the building.

the below photo shows the smoke curtain activated automatically to prevent smoke from going to 2nd floor area shops

 the below photo shows the smoke curtain fully closed down. and the smoke spill fan is activated automatically to exhaust all the smoke out from the building

 photo below shows one of the smoke spill fan that is exhausting the smoke out from the building.

when the smoke finally clears due to the action of smoke spill fan, one can see clearly the smoke curtain.

next, we demonstrated that the smoke curtain can also be switched on by fire alarm panel, manually.
The maintenance team for the building can choose to activate the smoke curtain on wherever floor chosen.

Thank God, despite all the personal mishaps, I still managed to follow through my team to successfully carry out our pre-Test before BOMBA test scheduled sometime soon.

Part C:

Now, as this project is planned to be completed by this year, we need to push more manpower and resources.

I don't think I might have the resources to update this blog as often as I could.

And so,
See you guys next year!

"Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer"

Once upon a time
Not so long ago

Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his's tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

Whooah, we're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, it's tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby it's okay, someday

We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot


We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got


Thursday, 12 December 2013


kepada yang bincang isu sunni syiah, aku terpikir satu viewpoint.

hangpa semua pernah ambik SPM Pendidikan Islam kan?

Kalau betul semua soklan, dapat markah 100%.

Kalau salah 20%, betul 80% still boleh dapat A.

Kalau satu org agama sama ngan hang, percaya Tuhan tu satu, percaya Nabi yang sama, tapi beza sikit 20%, adakah kita nak condemn hingga bergaduh?

Entah, aku melihat dokumentari Katolik dan Protestant berbunuhan di Ireland sedangkan mereka percaya Isa itu anak Tuhan.

Aku melihat dokumentari Sunni Syiah berbunuhan di Iraq dengan senjata AK47 buatan komunis yang tak percayakan Tuhan.

Bila aku baca berita yang KDN nak tangkap Mat Sabu sebab selawat syiah, aku rasa sectarian issues ni semua naik di berita Malaysia dan pemikiran most Muslims di Malaysia, tak ada sebab lain, melainkan ada unsur political intent.

Berbaloi ke berlawan mulut atas satu issue yang nampak betul (isu akidah sunni syiah) padahal TV Astro tu sendiri tunjuk MTV artist separuh bogel, ramai ulamak syiah sunni ni diam?

kindly find the English and simpler version of this writing at my Tumblr.

In 1908, the Ottoman caliph Abdülhamid II opened up an Islamic university in Beijing to educate China's Muslims. 
This is a photo of the school's opening ceremony. -

Japanese Type 94 tankettes attacking the Zhonghua Gate of the Nanjing city wall, China, 12 Dec 1937

Sunday, 8 December 2013

a disrespect towards Malaysian Islamic scholars

In Malaysia, two famous Malaysian Islamic scholars, Dr. Maza and Kedah Mufti once fought like kids over this wahabi syiah issue.

And now, slap your face, folks, and realise the wahabi syiah shit issue was nothing but science political.

Once, I've emailed to these Malaysian Islamic Scholars asking this question.

"In Malaysia, zakat income are in millions Ringgit, so, with regards to increasing house prices which many Muslims can't afford,  can this Zakat funds be turned to funds to build houses which are then rent/sale to Muslims?"

None of the Malaysian Islamic scholar answered this.

Then few months later, the Dr. Asri / Kedah Mufti issue comes out, with each other spunking each other like kids fighting over candy. One told another was deviant and that another reacts with "cursing oath". 

Seriously, it made me look upon Malaysian Islamic Scholars which such utter disrespect.

You shit upon issues of heaven and hell, but you cannot solve problems of the living, and even problem between your own kind.

How am I, a layman, are convinced of Malaysian Islamic Scholars when those guys behave like shit?


If we can't lower heaven, lets raise some hell!

Friday, 6 December 2013


The song, written by guitarist/co-vocalist Jerry Cantrell, concerns the late lead singer of Mother Love Bone, Andrew Wood, who died of a heroin overdose in 1990. In the liner notes of 1999's Music Bank box set collection, Jerry Cantrell said of the song:
I was thinking a lot about Andrew Wood at the time. We always had a great time when we did hang out, much like Chris Cornell and I do. There was never really a serious moment or conversation, it was all fun. Andy was a hilarious guy, full of life and it was really sad to lose him. But I always hate people who judge the decisions others make. So it was also directed towards people who pass judgments. -


 Alice In Chains - Would

Know me broken by my master
Teach thee on child of love hereafter

Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
So I made a big mistake
Try to see it once my way

Drifting body it's sole desertion
Flying not yet quite the notion

Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
So I made a big mistake
Try to see it once my way

Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
So I made a big mistake
Try to see it once my way

Am I wrong?
Have I run too far to get home?
Have I gone?
And left you here alone?
If I would, could you?  


One thing that some friends told me what they liked about me is about me being open.

You can be atheist, communist, religious or whatsoever and I still listen to you.

Let me tell you why I'd become like that.

I saw too many things which I'm too helpless to watch, and so, sometimes life's like that you just leave it like it is.


Once, I saw something that what people call divorce.
Complaint doesn't get me anywhere as my voice is not the deciding factor. You just watch it, as helpless as you could be, then you start tolerating it.

Once, I saw someone, who was at that time under influence of glue. (glue-inhale)
What to do? Am I gonna preach him right there? Nope, he's not listening. He's too busy singing and crying about his teenage love.
And so, you just watch it, as helpless as you could be.
When he's woken up, bring him together for a breakfast and wait for him to talk. But I didn't push the questions.
You laugh and smile and joked together, but when he's "away", you just watched helplessly.
You were worried, if you ever say a single word, then your friend might not be there anymore.
But, it's a game of catch and hide, you always know that for sometime, he'll be away.

Once, I was a stupid failure myself during my university days. Then somehow, most of us grew out of it.
But there was someone whom I still remembered to this day.
He didn't make it.
But I didn;'t nag. I laugh and smile and joked together, but I myself couldn't bring the words to say anything that might change it.
We parted ways years ago.
Only last year I met him at Facebook. Somehow, he did grew out of it.
But he is not the same fella I knew and actually, I felt that he avoided me because I am reminding him of his past.
It seems, no wonder what you do, you will be just left to watch it helplessly.


Yet somehow, all these shit teaches you things.

Sometimes, it is best to left things as it is and just tolerate it.

Things can be changed. Metals can be melted and moulded. But people are God's to be saved.


Sometimes, when you see someone so talented, you just admire that fella. Especially in this world where stupid ones are plenty.

Sometimes you felt that friend is doing something that you perceived as a mistake, your concern might drive you to speak something or sort.

Sometimes you see that friend, and you think of something that could make his/her life better. 

But your concern might backlash. No matter if you wish well, if you have never meant to cause trouble but just well wishes, the person receiving your "complaint" might backlash and spurge upon you his/her wrath like thunderbolt on a raging sky.

The backlash, people getting hurt, and you wish you never even expressed your concern before.

And so, I'm reminded by this song Would by Alice in Chains, that sometimes, your concern is just as helpless as it could be.

It is just best if you leave your friends as they be. 

Thursday, 5 December 2013


and so this week i spend some time in the hospital.

there are many things happening in Malaysia, increasing electric tariffs, a 13-year old who were raped, married off then divorced, the killing of 3 sisters at Kedah.

There's no need for me to talk of these, because it is obvious. It is sickening. You and other Malaysian felt it, and so I do not have to echo the voices of dissent.

Then, there's the recent stupidity of un-needed comments by Muslims in Malaysia about the death of Paul Walker, about the RIP thing.

One thing. We ourselves ain't sure whether we will die in peace or not, whether we ourselves are saved by His Grace or not when you die, so why be bothered so much about other's death?

With corruption and malpractices so rampant in Malaysia, are you guys feel safe enough to say Rest In Purgatory to the departed Paul Walker?

I promise you, when you are dying, or at least sick like me, a good wishing from anyone regardless of religion is pleasing to your ears.

In life, don't curse dead people. It's stupid. You can't ask for forgiveness, and even if it's truly bad, it doesn't affect you as the one is already departed. So why dirty your mouth?


When you stand in the critical line between life and death, what do you think at that present time?

You think of the important things. You won't bother with small things anymore.

Yesterday, as I got IV Drip and lay sickening, I received a phone call.


One year ago, 11 December 2012, I resigned from my job, then start wondering what to do next.

Friends, honest ones, all shared this view with me.

"Firdaus Mike, you can afford to resign because you do not have commitment like us".

Those friends, were all married, some with kids. They did their job not because they truly liked it but because they had to.

They had to buy a car not because they wanted, but because driving motorcycle with kids is dangerous.

Houses are painfully expensive.

But, everyone had to go on living. Go on. Stop for a while and go on.

And so I joined back the construction line this year with the same spirit.

I had to go on.

I need to build a certain foundation for my future, at least if I'm old or sick I do not have to beg.

It's not about being materialistic or shit. It's about being practical in life.

You can live your life as comfy as you want, without headaches, as stress-free as you wish, but I promise you, life is full of crisis.

You might have no problem but you might have no money.

You might have money but you might be alone by yourself.

You might have loved ones and families but you might not have the time.

The Malays always think that thinking about money is materialistic and irreligious, yet it is mostly the Malays that is found begging.

You know what everyone work for? Big house, big cars, etc? Materialistic?

If you think that is the answer, I'd tell you, you are immature.

People work for security. Security so they will be safe from begging when shit happens in their life.

People build financial success not to become proud, but to ensure when they are old, at least their financial investment can pay them back.

For instance, Chinese people buy lots of houses so that they can rent them out.

So, by the time they stopped working, fall into sickness or any kind of shit that happens, the monthly rent can be used to pay for food and bills.

If you work yourself hard not for this, I would say that you are in financial trouble. You would not have the sense to save or make any financial investment.

If you do not have this sense, you will spend money and credit cards to compete with others. That is suicidal.

When shit hits the fan, you have nothing to fall back into.


Now, when you are like me, lay sickening in the bed, would you care about small things?

Blogging is free. But if I'm too pre-occupied with this blogging thing that I worry about other people's post or comments, isn't it better to just disconnect? Why the hell should I worry so much on things that doesn't pay my bills?

And, blogging is free for everyone, and everyone has every right to post whatever they want on their blog.

For instance, one famous lady blogger might post about her going-out to a certain restaurant.

That is her right and if you don't like it, go to other page or just disconnect.

To question her motive and to think that she is showing off to the world she can afford to eat in a fancy place, is something quite childish.

What does it have anything to do with you that you are too bothered? Why too bothered about small things?


And so I paid the price yesterday for bothering other people's life so much.

I think of that person as a friend, and so I was concerned about that fella's not getting a job somewhere, while doing a part time.

I knew this fella is financially ok, but I know this fella can go further.

But I forgot. Friends are people, sometimes they agree sometimes they are not. Sometimes they felt your concern is too intrusive.

And their life is their life, not mine.

And so that friend of mine called me to state dissatisfaction on my concern over the phone yesterday while I was IV dripped with medications.

That friend is still a friend, but I did wish that time, that I could just disconnect the telephone line.

Sorry friend hehe.

Saturday, 30 November 2013

black forest cake

note : this is the 100th post.
somehow a reader google-msg me about the short story Adeline
I'm inspired to write this, when I read in the news about a Malaysian Muslim women who were married off, because she was raped by a guy, her family married her off to the rapist, only to found out, the rapist is divorcing her on grounds that she was behaving badly.
You guys, think for a while. Don't let this kind of shit happens to you. A rapist is a rapist. The TV fools you by showing romantic stories of Mr. Arrogant and whatever shit. You women deserved to be treated fair and well. 

The black forest recipe cake is found at

You might be interested to look at this as well.


Dear Father,

It's been years since I have long abandoned you.

I write this upon the knowledge that Pak Long (Your brother) informed me that you're in your final stages of cancer, in the hospital ward.

I'm fine. With my beautiful 4 year old daughter, Aina.

Aina is great at the Smart Reader school. Somehow, at the school, she learns about the word grandfather, and I knew she will ask about you. Yet somehow, I didn't.

Kindly find attached photo of us, me and Aina at a Smart Reader school function.

I'm sorry that I never let her know of you. I know it hurts you so much, but, let me tell you a little secret about our family, about Mom, yes, about her.


Black Forest Cake

Original recipe makes 1 - 9 inch 3 layer cake
  • 2 cups white sugar
  • 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 2 (20 ounce) cans pitted sour cherries
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 1/4 cup cornstarch
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 3 cups heavy whipping cream
  • 1/3 cup confectioners' sugar


  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour two 9 inch, round, cake pans; cover bottoms with waxed paper.
  2. In a large bowl, combine flour, 2 cups sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add eggs, milk, oil, and 1 tablespoon vanilla; beat until well blended. Pour batter into prepared pans.
  3. Bake for 35 minutes, or until wooden toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean. Cool layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes. Loosen edges, and remove to racks to cool completely.
  4. Drain cherries, reserving 1/2 cup juice. Combine reserved juice, cherries, 1 cup sugar and cornstarch in a 2 quart saucepan. Cook over low heat until thickened, stirring constantly. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla. Cool before using.
  5. Combine whipping cream and confectioner's sugar in a chilled medium bowl. Beat with an electric mixer at high speed until stiff peaks form.
  6. With long serrated knife, split each cake layer horizontally in half. Tear one split layer into crumbs; set aside. Reserve 1 1/2 cups Frosting for decorating cake; set aside. Gently brush loose crumbs off top and side of each cake layer with pasty brush or hands. To assemble, place one cake layer on cake plate. Spread with 1 cup frosting; top with 3/4 cup cherry topping. Top with second cake layer; repeat layers of frosting and cherry topping. Top with third cake layer. Frost side of cake. Pat reserved crumbs onto frosting on side of cake. Spoon reserved frosting into pastry bag fitted with star decorator tip. Pipe around top and bottom edges of cake. Spoon remaining cherry topping onto top of cake.
 Did you remember about the black forest cake?

Nope. I know that you did not. And I think you never knew about it as well.

You see, Mom faithfully baked Black Forest Cake on every single Sunday morning. Yes, on every single Sunday morning when you started off that affair with that stupid chick of yours in 2005.

Because, you were never there on Sundays. When Mom asks you, you beaten her like a pulp. You think I didn't know?

Even though Mom is a silent women, as silent as she is, the pain of her being beaten made her sob. Thank god she didn't scream. But we, me and Fidos always heard her sob on Friday night as you drove off to go to that women's house, spending your weekends there.

You know what Mom did? Did she complained? Did she ever bore grudges against you. Nope.

Instead she faithfully baked a black forest cake on every single Sunday with the hopes of you returning to her arms that morning.

When she went into coma on that dreaded Friday evening 2007, you weren't there.
You were only at her graveyard with us, me and ex hubby Dinol, only when Dinol came to that women's house to pick you up.

Dinol always told me to be faithful to you as a daughter, but I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill his wish, as he left me unfaithfully last year.

Please let it be known to you that, I'm sorry that I couldn't manage to see you, but you will always be in my heart. However painful it is.

Thanks and Best Regards,

Friday, 22 November 2013

smells like teen spirit

December 2012, aku decide untuk throw it all. Aku resign dari construction job aku, putuskan hubungan dengan orang dan pulang untuk start it all over again.

Practically that time, aku give-up dengan life aku.

By March 2013, aku still tak tahu apa nak buat. By then I'm 31. Cilaka. Aku pun start buat teaching dan sikit2 kerja2 part-time.

Ramai friends and relatives advice aku masuk line akademik, tapi lepas satu peristiwa di UM tahun 2009, di mana seorang pensyarah cendikiawan berkata pada aku "Ramai orang boleh jadi engineer, tapi tak ramai boleh jadi orang akademik", aku terus matikan harapan untuk apply Master tahun tu.

Pada aku, academician world in Malaysia hopeless. Berlagak pula. Dengan R&D yang entah ke mana, mereka memandang sinis dunia industry.

Bak kata bekas lecturer yang aku sanjungi di UM dulu, Kapten Abdul Rahim Abdul Manaf, ramai lecturer di Malaysia tak pernah mengharungi dunia industry. Habis degree, terus masuk university balik ambik Master then PHD. And so, aku summarise, ilmu engineering di university jauh berbeza dengan engineering di industry pasal ini sebab personnel di local University agak detached dengan dunia industry.

And so, that's why ramai siswazah engineering, yang rasa macam kena campak kat laut, pandai2 la nak berenang kalau nak survive kat industry.

Buat macam2 course automotive engineering di Malaysia, tapi ada satu je car manufacturer di Malaysia. Tak ke ramai menganggur nanti?

And so, lepas Raya 2013, aku join balik dunia industry construction.

During December 2012 lepas resign, aku buat satu blog, yang mana aku dah delete. Sebab aku nak start menulis. Tapi aku rasa hopeless, and so aku delete balik.

Semasa aku tengah fikir apa aku nak buat seterusnya dalam life, sebelum aku mati, menulis is one thing yang selalu terbit dalam kotak fikir aku.

Dalam May 2013 or so, aku start menulis blog ni, dan Tumblr aku,

Dalam masa2 tu, aku betul2 study apa approach, apa style, and the thinking behind blogging and Tumblr-ing ni.

Aku summarise, dalam blogging, ada 3 type of penulis blog/Tumblr.

1. Syok sendiri. Macam aku.
2. Entertainers.
3. Cari kawan melalui followers.

Kalau aku pilih style Entertainers, maka aku akan buat blog macam dan Blogserius.
Orang baca sebab nak entertain diri sendiri, lupakan real life untuk sebentar di alam maya.

Aku tanya diri aku, satu soalan saja.
Sampai bila aku nak entertain orang ramai? Sebab bila kau nak entertain, kau nak kena pacify followers kau. Dan kejayaan kau diukur dengan popularity blog.

Itu sebab aku dulu study comments di blog, aku siap masukkan dalam Excel file, pukul berapa orang comment, apa orang comment di dan

Aku dapati, simple saja. It's not the writing that matters. Orang comment ikut crowd psychology. Macam mob psychology. Ada orang rasa cool, ramai mengikut.

So, aku dah pangkah siap2 "Entertainers" dalam purpose blogging. Aku tak berminat nak entertain orang ramai.

How about saja2, dengan niat boleh kenal ramai orang?

Aku dapati, kalau kau buat begini, kau akan end-up fikir tentang followers dan haters.

Kau akan buat blog contest apa semua.

Ah! Tak ada masa aku nak beli barang hadiahkan kepada orang bila masa aku sendiri pun leading a losing life.

Dan akhirnya, senang saja.

Aku menulis, pasal aku ada idea yang boleh translate pada tulisan.

Untuk pastikan material tu pure, aku block kan saja ruang comment, untuk eliminate crowd psychology factor.

Kalau orang tu betul2 fikir tentang penulisan aku, dia akan siap email. Atau pun add akaun Google ID aku dan postkan in private.

And Tumblr is a good invention untuk eliminate komen2 kotor oleh anonymous. Simply because, kalau nak komen atau like, kau kena buka akaun Tumblr kau sendiri (blog kau sendiri)

In that sequence, kalau idea/komen dia bagus, aku just edit post or write in new stuff.

Sebab aku nak baca apa yang aku tulis dan feel satisfied dengan apa yang aku tulis.

Aku masih lagi nak jadi construction engineer, dan masih menyimpan harapan kot kot nanti aku boleh apply IR dengan IEM, mana tahu dapat IR.

Tulisan2 blog/Tumblr ni semua, so far, benda ni free. So tak merugikan sesiapa yang baca. Dan tak merugikan sesiapa kalau delete. Aku tak ada dapat satu single cent dari tulis2 ni semua.

Tapi sebelum aku mati, aku nak ada satu penulisan dari idea aku.

Aku fikir2 dan berangan, harap2 aku dapat tulis 2 buku. Satu pasal life, satu lagi pasal construction or engineering.

Dan benda2 dalam Tumblr/Blog ni akan jadi stepping stone. Dan kalau tak menjadi pun, at least penulisan ini akan ada dalam alam maya ni.

Maka, pada May 2013 tu, berbekalkan lyric Godflesh Head Dirt "Write on rocks, what you feel", aku dah decide ini lah arah tuju tulisan ini semua.

Aku takkan menulis untuk followers, sebab followers ni macam dalam lyrics Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit, satu group yang nak feel entertained baca tulisan kau. Dan feel entertained berinteraksi dalam ruang comment.

Kau akan ada life kau sendiri, pursuing your own goals apa semua.

Dan kau takkan terdaya nak entertain semua manusia dengan hasil kerja yang tak berbayar.

Dan aku bukan seorang gadis cantik yang dapat mencari pasangan terbaik di pasaran melalui blogging.

Aku hanya nak feel satisfied dapat menjerit dalam tulisan biarpun tak ada satu yang mendengar.

Personal satisfaction, buat sesuatu yang free, tu sahaja.

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey, yeh

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial 

Tuesday, 19 November 2013


org ckp kt aku Villa Nobita tu ada budak hilang dan berhantu.
Biar betul?

oh Villa Nabila rupanya. Salah dengar

Remaja Dilapor Hilang Di Villa Nabila Ditemui Di Taman Desa Mutiara

JOHOR BAHARU, 19 Nov (Bernama) -- Seorang remaja lelaki yang dilapor hilang selepas mengunjungi Villa Nabila di Jalan Skudai, berhampiran Danga Bay, ditemui selamat di sebuah rumah di Taman Desa Mutiara, di sini Isnin malam.

Ketua Polis Johor Datuk Mohd Mokhtar Mohd Shariff berkata Mohamad Izzat Izzudin Husin, 16, ditemui kira-kira pukul 12 tengah malam tadi di rumah seorang rakannya oleh pasukan khas 'Ops Kesan' yang ditubuhkan sejurus menerima laporan kehilangan remaja itu.

"Remaja itu dibawa ke balai polis sebelum diserahkan kepada keluarganya," katanya kepada pemberita di Ibu Pejabat Polis Kontinjen Johor, di sini Selasa.

Mohd Mokhtar berkata berikutan penemuan remaja itu, polis menggesa semua pihak menghentikan penyebaran maklumat palsu di laman sosial mengenai kehilangan orang yang mengunjungi rumah lama itu.

Beliau berkata penyebaran maklumat yang tidak beretika bukan sahaja menyusahkan banyak pihak malah menyebabkan kesesakan lalu lintas teruk di sepanjang Jalan Skudai apabila orang ramai mengerumuni perkarangan pintu masuk rumah berkenaan.

Mohamad Izzat Izzudin yang ditemui pemberita di rumahnya di Kampung Hajah Hasnah, Majidee, di sini, berkata dia mengunjungi Villa Nabila sekadar suka-suka bersama 29 rakan lain dan berada di situ selama 15 minit sebelum keluar dari kawasan itu melalui jalan belakang.

"Selepas keluar dari kawasan rumah itu bersama semua rakan, saya makan di sebuah restoran makanan segera berhampiran sebelum ke masjid untuk tidur dan sembahyang Subuh.

"Saya kemudian ke Dataran Bandar Raya Johor Baharu dan ke pusat bandar sebelum pergi ke rumah rakan di Taman Desa Mutiara pada pukul 12 tengah hari Ahad dan kira-kira tengah malam kawan saya kejutkan saya yang sedang tidur dan memberitahu bahawa polis datang cari saya," katanya.

Ibu remaja itu, Norhayati Mohamad, 38, berkata dia bersyukur dengan penemuan anaknya dan mengucapkan terima kasih kepada pihak berkuasa dan orang ramai yang membantu mengesan remaja terbabit.


Di Malaysia, selagi tak ada insiden, tak ada siapa ambik pedulik.

Published: Tuesday November 19, 2013 MYT 11:33:00 AM
Updated: Tuesday November 19, 2013 MYT 12:42:27 PM

Johor MB wants local authority to check on status of 'haunted' Villa Nabila

JOHOR BARU: The state government will check on the status of the "haunted" Villa Nabila before deciding if it should be demolished.

Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin said he would ask the Johor Baru City Council (MBJB) to check on the status of the abandoned bungalow on top of a hill over looking the Straits of Johor.

"We cannot simply take over the property or demolish it although it has been vacant for so many years as it is a private property," he told reporters here.

Mohamed Khaled was speaking after opening the Eastern Regional Organisation for Planning and Human Settlements Conference here Tuesday.

He said the state government would ask MBJB to investigate whether the owner had failed to pay assessment rates on the property over the years.

Itulah remaja Melayu Muslim Malaysia.

tak balik2 rumah tengah malam duk berjalan kat rumah terbiar tak bagitau mak bapak.

In the end satu Malaysia kecoh.

Siap Ketua Polis Johor buat statement, Menteri Besar Johor pun nak buat siasatan.

adakah kesan dari SPPBS?

Kah kah kah

Sunday, 17 November 2013

isu SPPBS - satu view yg ruthless

view aku sangat2 different dan ruthless, so let it be shared.

aku berborak dengan beberapa guru pasal isu SPPBS...berkenaan nak selia budak2 every month dan key-in kan markah kt sistem server yang mcm cilaka.

aku pernah menulis tentang jiran Chinese aku.

dalam masyarakat Chinese, untuk bebudak2, by 13-14 years old, mereka akan perhatikan.
kalau budak tu boleh pergi atau pintar, maka ibu bapa terus bagi full effort.
tapi kalau budak tu problem, dia stopkan sekolah je terus.

dan dia suruh bebudak ni kerja.
dan dengan masyarakat Chinese di Malaysia yg memang industrious dan banyak business, opening memang ada.
dan by their mid twenties, these people become highly skilled dlm low level jobs, tapi highly paid pasal skill tu memang susah nak develop.
contohnya, skill welding.

one thing di Malaysia, kau boleh nampak a lot of low level jobs sekarang dah dikuasai oleh foreigners, Indonesia, Nepal, Bangla, etc.

SPPBS is designed so that bebudak yang kurang perform, especially those di kawasan luar bandar, untuk develop mereka academically.

But is it right to push academic reform kepada mereka yang memang problematic, contoh budak2 ada masalah discipline or sebagainya?

Dulu under SRP system, ada science stream, art stream dan banyak kolej2 vokasional yang provide certificates for those yang tak berapa boleh nak pergi sangat academically.

Tapi sekarang, sebab dengan banyak2 nya kolej2 swasta, it seems that we are pushing all the Malays utk high level jobs.

Rendahkan grading, sumbatkan mereka ke kolej2 swasta and make sure mereka terikat dengan PTPTN loan dan harapkan mereka mengisi high level jobs di Malaysia...untuk memastikan New Economic Programs for Bumiputera works.

1. We made our tertiary education system sucks.

2. Bebudak semua graduate tapi mengganggur. Sebab industry di Malaysia ni Non-Malay pegang, dan kita nak paksa mereka isi high level jobs dengan bebudak ni?

Di industry, meritocracy works because industry perform at its best efficiency on free trade. Dan dalam free trade, di mana nilai usaha diniagakan, only the best suffices.

Dan dalam masa sama, kebanjiran warga asing akan mengisi low level jobs.

What do we get at the end of the day?

Budak2 berhutang tapi jobless? Budak2 terpaksa suffer amik kerja yang lain bidang?

Bila ada satu ibubapa mampu belikan anak dia kereta 210k cash bila berjaya 5A dalam UPSR, aku tertanya, education ni kan tanggungjawab mak bapak? Kau nak harapkan other party (cikgu) dan government? 

Budak bijak layak dapat biasiswa government.

Tapi untuk kurang bijak, kita kena banyakkan skill-based institution.

Negara maju ialah sebab negara boleh sustain development dia dengan hasil skill warga dia, bukan warga asing yang satu hari akan pulang balik ke negara asal.

Aku ada saudara, yang mana anak2 dia berjaya economically, tanpa ada satu certificate degree/diploma university. Orang susah. Bapak kerja security guard.

Tapi anak2 dia, semua bekerja lepas SPM. Kerja kilang, kerja di hotel, dan slow2 mereka naik dalam industry yang mereka ceburi.

Economically strong, boleh cari makan sendiri.

And so, ask ourselves, kita belajar ni sebab akademik atau sebab nak membina karier?

Dan kalau betul2 kau rasa education ni penting untuk Melayu buka minda, aku rasa perlu reform suratkhabar bahasa Melayu yang macam cilaka saja isinya.

Arwah ayah aku adalah orang yang pasti bersetuju hal ni.

Dia dari kawasan kampung di Tapah, masuk ke sekolah berasrama bahasa Arab. 

Bila dia datang ke Kuala Lumpur pada hari kematian P. Ramlee, dia jobless for few months, sebab berbahasa Arab adalah useless untuk cari makan di KL pada 1973, yang penting kena pandai speak English.

Ayah aku akhirnya jadi petugas pembersih, penyapu sapu sampah di Universiti Malaya tahun itu.

Selepas AUKU di-introduce dan semua kakitangan UM under JPA, baru lah ayah aku dapat kerja sebagai kerani. Dia berjumpa dengan ibu-ku di UM yang sama2 interview JPA di sana.

Selepas berkahwin, ayah aku support ibu aku untuk further studies, just because ibu aku dari English stream, dan ketika itu, peluang to go further lebih terjamin kalau dari English Stream.

Maka itu lah sebab mengapa economy keluarga aku melonjak naik pada awal 1990, daripada dulu menyewa flat DBKL kepada menghuni rumah milik sendiri di Kajang.

Sehingga ayah aku meninggal, dia selalu berkata pada aku, pandai2 cari ilmu bermanfaat, setinggi2 ilmu silat yang beliau ada pun tidak mampu nak membuka mesin ATM di bank.

melepak bawah jambatan di highway

melepak bawah jambatan di highway sambil melayan perasaan mendengar grindcore

Nasum - The Unfathomable Situation
Album : Grand Finale (2006)
Blindly searching for a way out
Confusion’s leading me into the unknown
Struggling between my own crises
A conflict that tears me apart

A part of me really don’t want to take a part of this
A part of me really don’t want to take a part of this

Tightening the screws another round
Stretching it all until it breaks
Trying to control my own panic
I’m reaching out, can someone help me?

A part of me really don’t want to take a part of this
A part of me really don’t want to take a part of this

Nasum - Stormsheild
Album : Helvete (2003)

Intro : "This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster"...

Brutal Truth : Unjust Compromise
Album : Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses (1992)

Visions behind walls.
Hide sordid truths.
Unjust suffering.
Upper hand blinds you.

Blind eyes never see.
Forever unjust compromise.

Raping others.
Terminate will.
Forced extinction.
Capitalize the kill.

Blind eyes never see.
Forever unjust compromise.

Ours not meant to be.
But you'll never see.
The tales of misery.
Small minds crushing fees.

Blind eyes never see.
Forever unjust compromise.

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

sleep well


This song, is soothing. Nevermind the lyrics.

Sleep well, to all. Sleep well friends. Sleep well, may you guys lay awake tomorrow in a phospherence sunshine.

Best wishes,

 The Police - King Of Pain

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy

Senator, You’re no Jack Kennedy

Quayle:  I have far more experience than many others that sought the office of vice president of this country. I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency. I will be prepared to deal with the people in the Bush administration, if that unfortunate event would ever occur.

Judy Woodruff: Senator [Bentsen]?

Bentsen: Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy. (Prolonged shouts and applause.) What has to be done in a situation like that is to call in the —

Woodruff: (Admonishing applauders) Please, please, once again you are only taking time away from your own candidate.

Quayle: That was really uncalled for, Senator. (Shouts and applause.)

Bentsen: You are the one that was making the comparison, Senator — and I’m one who knew him well. And frankly I think you are so far apart in the objectives you choose for your country that I did not think the comparison was well-taken.

This has since become a political lexicon of a way to deflate politicians or other individuals perceived as thinking too highly of themselves. - Wikipedia

Like TehTarikGelasBesar once wrote in his book Pengejar Bintang, when you running for the stars, do not forget that your feet is still firmly on earth.

I noticed in Malaysia political scene, no one in the pro-government or the opposition ever compares himself to previous Prime Ministers.

I think in life, if you’re good and think that you’re good, any comparison to other’s greatness is in-necessary.

Notice that kids do this “reference” stuff, father is good, my grandfather once own this and that, my family has links with kings……but as time grows by, if the fella still references himself to others, then people will question, “how about you then?’

Sometimes, I see Malaysian people, especially the Malays, who likes to brag off about their family ancestry nobility . There’s no respect. You feel cheap listening to their claims.

love myself is better than you

Love Myself Is Better Than You.

I forgotten where I learned this, whether from an article or from documentary, but I never forget the lesson.
It was from this lesson, that Broken Windows theory was born in the 80s (apart from other incidents), I think.

Long time ago, Singapore under Lee Kuan Yew was developing rapidly, and they encounter housing problem.
There wasn't enough houses for everyone, so the Singapore Government had to intervene.

And so, flat houses developed by the Government are built and then rented to the people.

By time, they encounter the same problem as were faced by the Brits at UK in the 80's.

The flat houses becomes slums.

They conducted a study, and found out, since the houses were RENTED, the people living in it never really cared much shit about its upkeeping.

You pay for your living in the house, but you don't own the house itself. So why bother?

And so, the Government changed the policy, rent and buy scheme were introduced, and the slum problem were solved.
The property prices for the flat houses were also increased.
That means you don't have to build new ones to give your country economic growth, you just make sure people pay for what is worth , help them own it within their means, and let them sell for profit if they could buy better houses elsewhere.
Ceiling prices were also introduced to help.

The reason why I talk about this, is about this incident happening at my neighbour as per photo above.

You see, thunderstorm strike our neighbourhood a month ago, resulting in a tree falling down.

The house facing this incident were my neighbours, but I'm appalled by inaction. Nobody care. Nobody give a shit.

It seems that they were praying God would open the hearts of Kajang Municipality officers to clean this mess.

I watched this for a month, but I myself doesn't care. Since I went off at 7am in the morning and reached home by 10pm.It was not even in front of my house. But today the eyesore is too much.


Last time, I wrote in my blog, where I cleaned the drains of my neighbourhood, and I was helped by my Chinese neighbours.
The Chinese neighbours were self-centred, but, they helped because they themselves feel like shit about the smell.
The Chinese neighbours paid few Indonesian workers to help me clean the drain.

What I feel shit about, is my Malay neighbours who I think were God-fearing.

They just watched. The Malays talked to me incessantly about the kajang municipality, then I screwed them for their worthless talk.


Even though I was tired as I reached home early today (I worked even on Saturday and Sundays too), I was fueled with anger because of inaction.

I went and pluck all the fallen tree branches and collect it in a rubbish bag.

After 10 minutes or so, some neighbours came and help.

But we never speak to each other. We just did what we could and eventually. the fallen tree has transformed to 7 rubbish bags which were thrown off.

Everybody sighed happily. There was no need to talk. The smiles in our faces itself were rewarding.


I hate preaching. Because I think, just do it.
It's useless to appeal to people.
Self interest rules.

Saturday, 9 November 2013

Raping The Earth

Extreme Noise Terror - Raping The Earth

"Man" is superior, "Man" has the might
he's under the impression he has the right
to take the earth and do as he will
and leave nothing but a deformed hell

Raping the earth and we don't seem to care
soon there will be no life left here

with such stupidity we are raping the earth
it's been on the decline since man's birth
the harmony of nature is being upturned
compassion not destruction must be learned

Raping the earth and we don't seem to care
soon there will be no life left here

1979 instrumental

song : 1979 (instrumental)
band : Smashing Pumpkins

Being lost inside, sometimes seems beautiful.

This song, reminds me nothing but my life with my brother.

Sunday, 3 November 2013


Anybody is replaceable.

You can read the Reader’s Digest article above.

Personally, I had the courage to quit my construction job outside Malaysia last December 2012, after reading that article.

I quit a personal relationship with someone few months after that.

It is because, nobody is bigger than you. Everyone is replacable. Your loved ones, your employer, your friends and even you.

That’s why sometimes, it is best to just do what you do and don;t give a flying **** about others.

There’s a recent article in Malay that I felt very personally, as below.

It told the story of Bai Fang Li, a rickshaw puller that donated his earning to a school so that the children will never be as illiterate as him.

There’s a recent article in Malay as well which I will relate to my gesichstpunkt (pointofview)
(Article in Malay language)

You see, Malaysia nowadays suffered economically, politically and emotionally because of too frequent changes in policy, just because new politicians got promoted and wanting to make their name in their new position.

We even had our Education Policy revoked 3-4 times within the timeframe, after Prime Minister Mahathir step down 10 years ago.

Every politicians that rises, will make its own policy to be applied.

1Malaysia, Islam Hadhari, Education policy, those policies are now mocked by people in the streets.
My point is, in life, just do your best and forget whether your deed is appreciated or remembered or whatever.

Wanting your good deeds to be appreciated, sometimes will make your effort shittier.

Just do it like Bai Fang Li.

If you are right, maybe you are already dead and might not enjoying it.

If you are wrong,then you will wish your deeds to be forgotten, your name’s not cursed.

Henceforth, my favourite Malay sentence “Buat apa yg Tuhan permudahkan untuk kau buat” = Just do what is made easy for you to carry out.

In the end, we are all replaceable.