Friday, 25 March 2016

Raise high the roof beam, carpenters

Like Ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man”

I wouldn’t lie to any of you. Yes this song’s lyrics is about woman’s boobs.

But hell, the guitar work in this performance is strikingly beautiful yet simple.

I got married last 5 March 2016 and the wedding ceremony on the bride’s side was the next day, yet the wedding ceremony on my family’s side will be this coming Sunday.

And shit, I felt tired finishing off the paperwork for my day-off for the wedding event.

Yet what I am doing now, is to pick up my guitar and practice this The Smiths great riff until I get it right.

While looking at my sleeping wife.

The Smiths - Some Girls are bigger than others (Cover)

The Smiths - Some Girls are bigger than others (Cover) 

 The Smiths - Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - Bassline

All the shit that happens throughout the times seems a passing memory with this great riff from the Smiths.

My feelings with this marriage and life right now , might be the same as the story Raise High The Roof Beam, Carpenters, by JD Salinger.

Like Ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man”

Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others (The Smiths cover) 

The Smiths : Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others (Australian Edit Remaster) 1986 HQ Audio

The tab that I'm working with now.


Music by Johnny Marr.
Based on the Brixton '86 concert.
Live version: capo 4th fret.
Just the basic pattern, feel free to improvise around it.


e|---------0-------|-------4---------|  ---4-------------|-----------------  |
B|-----4-------4---|-----------4-----|  -------5p4-------|---5-----7-------  |
G|-4-------------4-|-----4---------0-|o -----------4---6-|-------------8--- o|
D|---6---6---6-----|---6-----6---6---|o ---------------7-|-------9---9---9- o|
A|-----------------|-----------------|  -4---------------|-----------------  |
E|-----------------|-----------------|  -----------------|-----------------  |

End of chorus: [022100]

Tabbed by Daniel Varhegyi.
Comments: burgberger(at)freemail(dot)hu
Playing guitar while sipping hot drinks at night. It feel so lovely. 

Thursday, 24 March 2016

bittersweet pictures

If we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

  Those whom knew me in Facebook, must have read one post I made, few days before my marriage.

About me going to my father's grave, and together with my mom back to "old house" meeting someone.

I saw that "someone" just now in Kajang.

In a state which I feel sad to see.

But I just kept quiet and kept my distance, even though I do wanted to talk and share a lot.

But you know you just couldn't / shouldn't.

Well, life's like that sometimes. 

I didn't want to talk about it. 

I just write about it, because I wanted to forget it from my head now. I got a hectic work schedule tomorrow and endless work pressure and shit.

And I don't want my wife to knew about this sadness.

But I want to remember it too.

Those lovely things that hurt you, in the end became pictures. 

bittersweet pictures.

You either keep it hidden, or put it on a wall.

But you will always look at it.

Because you miss it terribly.

And you know it is safe to watch it from afar.

I would rather not go
Back to the old house

I would rather not go
Back to the old house

There's too many
Bad memories

Too many memories

When you cycled by
Here began all my dreams
The saddest thing I've ever seen
And you never knew
How much I really liked you
Because I never even told you
Oh, and I meant to

Are you still there?
Or have you moved away?
Or have you moved away?

I would love to go
Back to the old house
But I never will
I never will

Monday, 21 March 2016


There was an accident early this morning that shook us all.

"Us" here is the people in my Site project, from the Korean Main Con, all the Client/Subcons/Consultants, and people working around Millenium Tower, Jalan Damanlela, Damansara.

As I passed my site, along the Sprint Highway, I was shocked and saddened to see a body wrapped in newspaper, lying lifeless early this morning.

Almost all who work in the vicinity of Millenium Tower knew of two homeless fellas "living" around this vicinity.

Yup, we used to buy them food and drinks.

Both are mentally challenged. One is an Chinese Aunty, the other was the Malay guy.

Since all of us there lead our busy work schedule, we can only do what we could.

I remember buying foods or drinks.

The aunty was ok, but sometimes she would scare us with her violent screaming.

But we could just see.

And pity her from a far.

And to day 21/3/2016, we seen the last of her, lying at Sprint Highway,  lifeless.

Sunday, 20 March 2016

Married Life

Cooking with wife. Yup seriously. Since both of us quite competent with our kitchen skills, each of us had our task. And we completed all this in 2 hours. (after shopping the goods at Mydin Kajang of course)

I had a very busy schedule throughout last fortnight.
Marriage life + my work which is now about handing over our Mechanical and Electrical (M&E) portion to the Main-Con for the ID guys to come in and takeover.
And since it's a Hotel's project, the stress is tripled.

The Main-Con pulled off a Cao-Cao "borrow your head" tactic to my company last week, simply for forcing us to increase manpower.

Out of a sudden, the Main-Con issued a memo asking me to be removed from the Project, and pass the words to our Consultants/Clients and my boss of course.

And a panic meeting was held to discuss all issues related to our work.

Actually during the site walk, the Korean boss who issued the memo, blink his eyes coyfully to me when he mentioned to remove me from the site in front of all the bosses.

That's when I knew what his intention is.

His intention is merely to force our Company to increase manpower, and using the issue to remove me, as an advantage to force my Company into some sort of "submission".

But my boss was quite clever that he pulled off a few tricks, and a very confident presentation, that causes "win-win" situation to all parties.

And I still remain in the project.

And today, Sunday, I have to go to work. After I finished writing this entry.

What I meant by "Cao-Cao borrow your head" tactic can be explained here.

Human Head for a Loan
Cao Cao was engaged in a prolonged campaign, and there was a shortage of food. He asked the commissary what to do. The latter suggested that the food ration be cut by using a smaller measure so that the existing supply could last long enough until new supplies arrived. Cao Cao agreed.

Soon there was much complaint in the army. The soldiers accused Cao Cao of cheating them out of their food. The atmosphere was mutinous. Cao Cao summoned the commissary.

“I want to borrow something from you,” he told the man.

“What do you want?”

“Your head.”

“But I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“True. But if I don’t put you to death, there will be a mutiny. I’ll take good care of your family after your death.”

The commissary was executed.

Cao Cao told his soldiers, “The man stole grain and used a smaller measure for your food ration. But supplies are coming. Please be patient.”

The soldiers accepted his explanation and a potential crisis was averted."

Anyhow business/ construction/ working world is cruel. 
All you can do is taking new perspective to things. 
And understand things.
Because if you know the reasons and the intentions, 
You can plan wisefully.
I might have resigned under pressure, but luckily I didn't. 

I guess mental toughness required by those army Commandos is actually to stay positive despite all shitty things that might get you killed, in order for you to carry out the job.

Life is shit but you don't make yourself shitty.

 Morrissey - Jack The Ripper
Even though the lyrics is about murder, but I think the words perfectly captures my mood about this marriage...

Saturday, 5 March 2016

Anywhere is

I just share with you guys something which got me into tears last Friday before the wedding.

And I was in the same emotion when I woke up this morning to wear the wedding dress.

And I was in the same emotion inside the my uncle's car, sleeping without a care of anything.

And I was in the same emotion when I recited the solemn vow this morning. I didn't panic, I even smile.

And I was in the same emotion when I wrote this blog posting.

And I was in the same emotion when I cropped Sabrina's photo to Enya's "Anywhere is".

It was on Friday morning, with my mom, early morning when we went to my father's grave.
There was something dim going around in the family which my mom and I felt sad about, bitterness and despair of some people.

And so, we went to my father's grave as we intended.

1 : Peace

We found that the area of my father's grave together with other people's grave were cleared and cleaned off.

As if he was waiting for us to come.

Then we wished our prayers and recited Surah Yasin to my father.

Then I felt my heart is heavy when I come about these words.

"Salamun Qaulam Min Rabbi Rahim" : Verse 58 which means Peace, the word from the God Most Merciful.

The verse is a continuity from Verse 55 of the same Surah Yasin which describes the condition of the people in Heaven.

What struck me was the realisation, that those people in Heaven, the word around was Peace.

There will be no hatred cursing words, long polemic discussion, never-ending debates, fighting among each other.

All there is, is Peace.

I reflected all bitter hostilities with others throughout my life at that moment.

Then I realised.

Those bitter discussion, whether is right or wrong, true or false, is meaningless.
Those long polemic debates, of this and that, is nothing.
Those words of disagreement, is actually vull and noid.

What matters is where you'll be after you die.

Even if you're smartass and kinda hell of genius, what matters is whether you achieved the neverending peace.

It's never about right or wrong. It's about achieving that peace.

The day God himself call upon you, Peace.

And so all the fights, disagreements, is nothing. Why should you be bothered much anyway?

That was the idea that struck me that time.

2 : Nevermind

During those heavy emotions, I realised, whatever shit gonna be happening the next day, ie. the wedding day,
I will still get married, insyaAllah. And I did.

I don't have to think much. Just saviour the moments.

Malaysian culture always try to scare off bridegrooms that they had to recite many bloody times the recital vows until it is perfect, then only it will seen as legal and accepted by the Islamic authorities.

I realised, hell, no matter what, the Islamic Qadhi will still have to approve it.
Because they couldn't come again at any other time. They had to approve it at that time.

Whether the dining wasn't correct, people could not get food, millions of worries that bride/bridegrooms and their families faced through, some minor things that mom worries about,

no matter what,

there will still be a wedding,

unless some freak accident took away your life or your bride's, which is something that you can't control by the way.

So just be relax.

Some minor thing will happen.
People will talk some shit.
But over time, all that people remembered is there was a wedding.

Life is imperfect and so is wedding and marriage.

3 : Anywhere Is

After we completed our prayers, my mom and I fell into deep silence.

Each of us had a dialogue with my deceased father, I guess. Well I'm sure I did.

I told him in silence, inside my heart, I'm getting married the next day. Be happy. Be in peace. Please.

Even though there was no reply, the feeling was serene.

I said many prayers to God so that my father will be in peace.

Then I realised,

Even if I am there at that moment with my father, with him lying underground and I'm there speaking to him tenderly, we're still not together.

"You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
If we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is"

- Enya's Anywhere Is

I walked back to the car trying to hold my tears.

I realised then we can't really choose people who we want to be together with.

Even my bride. Even though I did chose her, but if we never met in this lifetime, we'll never will.

And so why bother much with people whom you hate or in bitterness with you.

Don't care with it.

Special is the moment and the people you're with at that time.

 And no matter how much I would love to see my father,

"we stay here we're not together, anywhere is"

 Enya - Anywhere Is

I walk the maze of moments
But everywhere I turn to
Begins a new beginning
But never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
And there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know

You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
If we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

The moon upon the ocean
Is swept around in motion
But without ever knowing
The reason for its flowing
In motion on the ocean
The moon still keeps on moving
The waves still keep on waving
And I still keep on going

You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
If we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

I wonder if the stars sign
The life that is to be mine
And would they let their light shine
Enough for me to follow
I look up to the heavens
But night has clouded over
No spark of constellation
No Vela no Orion

The shells upon the warm sands
Have taken from their own lands
The echo of their story
But all I hear are low sounds
As pillow words are weaving
And willow waves are leaving
But should I be believing
That I am only dreaming

You go there you're gone forever
I go there I'll lose my way
If we stay here we're not together
Anywhere is

To leave the tread of all time
And let it make a dark line
In hopes that I can still find
The way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
Begin a new beginning
Still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It's either this or that way
It's one way or the other
It should be one direction
It could be on reflection
The turn I have just taken
The turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.

Brave new world

I just had my wedding solemnization ceremony (Malays called it akad nikah) today at 10.00am.  

Yup, I'm officially married now.

The wedding feast on my wife’s family side will be tomorrow, and on my family side, it will be on 27th March 2016.

Why the wedding feast is so apart?

Answer : I could not get a long holiday, I even will be back to work this coming Monday. This is due to the hectic requirement of my ongoing site project.

I even got Whatsapp messages inquiring about drawings and submissions. Luckily I have a good cooperating team.

Sabrina is now officially my niece.

 Video Photo : My 3-year Old niece, Sabrina playing with her aunt’s wedding dress the day before.

Video song track : Cold Fire by Rush from their album Counterparts (1993)

Rush - Cold Fire

It was long after midnight
When we got to unconditional love
She said sure, my heart is boundless
But don’t push my limits too far

I said if love was so transcendent
I don’t understand these boundaries

She said just don’t disappoint me
You know how complex women are

I’ll be around
If you don’t let me down too far

It was just before sunrise
When we started on traditional roles
She said sure I’ll be your partner
But don’t make too many demands

I said if love has these conditions
I don’t understand those songs you love

She said this is not a love song
This isn’t fantasy-land

The phosphorescent wave on a tropical sea is a cold fire
The pattern of moonlight on the bedroom floor is a cold fire
The flame at the heart of a pawnbroker’s diamond is a cold fire
The look in your eyes as you head for the door is a cold fire

I’ll be around
If you don’t let me down too far