Sunday, 8 May 2016


Happy Sunday morning folks!

I wrote previously about fighting wars on few fronts. Hence the lack of updates of this blog.

This long post describes the adversities I faced during the month of April and the early week of May 2016.

A. Home

The home which my wife and I rented, well, we had to move out on a short notice. We were given a week to vacant the house.
The case was, the landlord had sold the house to a new family without our knowledge.

The new family went to the house on Sunday, and we were given a week notice to clear out from the house.

We called the landlord frantically , but the phone wasn't picked up. and then I realised there was no written agreement between me and the landlord.
And so I could not claim back the deposit money (2 months + 1 month deposit money).

I asked advice from friends, whether to make a police report or not, but without proper documentation, there was not much I could do.

B. Injury

I picked up an injury that weekend. I couldn't walk properly, the pain was intense. I had Medical Leave up to Tuesday, went to work on Wednesday and Thursday walking with walking stick.
The pain was incredibly intense despite the painkiller pills.

My wife and I went to Kajang Hospital on Friday, went for X-ray.
The diagnose showed symptoms of PAD/PVD or Peripheral Arterial Disease / Peripheral Vessel Disease.

I was given painkiller pills and a scheduled checkup the next week.

On Sunday, I got admitted to KPJ Kajang upon my mother's advice. Using my Prudential insurance.

Wife asked forgiveness from the new landlord of our inconveniences, and fortunately, upon sympathy, they gave us a month to stay, and they implied they might consider renting to us.

At Kajang KPJ, based on the MRI Scan, the doctor informed I was suffering slip disc.

Its going to take full 6 months for full recovery or earlier if I could go for a surgery.

And so, I rested at KPJ Kajang Hospital until Friday evening, undergoing 10 sessions of physiotheraphy, twice a day.

C. Hospital Stay

The pain was incredible. The pain disrupted the mind excessively.

I turned off the phone, and gave the phone to my wife.

What happened was, I read the Quran and the book The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli.

Few things learnt during the painful reflections :-

C1. Religionwise

Read Surah Al Isra. verse 78-80

أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ لِدُلُوكِ الشَّمْسِ إِلَىٰ غَسَقِ اللَّيْلِ وَقُرْآنَ الْفَجْرِ ۖ إِنَّ قُرْآنَ الْفَجْرِ كَانَ مَشْهُودًا
Establish prayer at the decline of the sun [from its meridian] until the darkness of the night and [also] the Qur'an of dawn. Indeed, the recitation of dawn is ever witnessed.

وَمِنَ اللَّيْلِ فَتَهَجَّدْ بِهِ نَافِلَةً لَّكَ عَسَىٰ أَن يَبْعَثَكَ رَبُّكَ مَقَامًا مَّحْمُودًا
And from [part of] the night, pray with it as additional [worship] for you; it is expected that your Lord will resurrect you to a praised station.

وَقُل رَّبِّ أَدْخِلْنِي مُدْخَلَ صِدْقٍ وَأَخْرِجْنِي مُخْرَجَ صِدْقٍ وَاجْعَل لِّي مِن لَّدُنكَ سُلْطَانًا نَّصِيرًا
And say, "My Lord, cause me to enter a sound entrance and to exit a sound exit and grant me from Yourself a supporting authority."

وَقُلْ جَاءَ الْحَقُّ وَزَهَقَ الْبَاطِلُ ۚ إِنَّ الْبَاطِلَ كَانَ زَهُوقًا
And say, "Truth has come, and falsehood has departed. Indeed is falsehood, [by nature], ever bound to depart."

وَنُنَزِّلُ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ مَا هُوَ شِفَاءٌ وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ۙ وَلَا يَزِيدُ الظَّالِمِينَ إِلَّا خَسَارًا
And We send down of the Qur'an that which is healing and mercy for the believers, but it does not increase the wrongdoers except in loss.

a) The word "healing" was Syifa.

b) To read Quran in the morning as the recitation of dawn is "witnessed"

c) Tahajjud prayer

C2. Some reflection about work during reading this excerpt in The Prince, "Chapter XXIII : How Flatterers Should Be Avoided"

"I DO NOT wish to leave out an important branch of this subject, for it is a danger from which princes are with difficulty preserved,unless they are very careful and discriminating. 

It is that of flatterers, of whom courts arc full, because men are so self-complacent in their own affairs, and in a way so deceived in them,
that they are preserved with difficulty from this pest, and if they wish to defend themselves they run the danger of falling into contempt.

Because there is no other way of guarding oneself from flatterers except letting men understand that to tell you the truth does not offend you; but when every one may tell you the truth, respect for you abates.

Therefore a wise prince ought to hold a third course by 
choosing the wise men in his state, 
and giving to them only the liberty of speaking the truth to him,
and then only of those things of which he inquires
and of none others
but he ought to question them upon everything
and listen to their opinions
and afterwards form his own conclusions.

With these councillors, separately and collectively, he ought to carry himself in such a way that each of them should know that, the more freely he shall speak, the more he shall be preferred;
outside of these, he should listen to no one, pursue the thing resolved on, and be steadfast in his resolutions. He who does otherwise is either overthrown by flatterers, or is so often changed by varying opinionsthat he falls into contempt............

.........A prince, therefore, ought always to take counsel, but only when he wishes and not when others wish;
he ought rather to discourage every one from offering advice unless he asks it; but, however, he ought to be a constant inquirer, and afterwards a patient listener concerning the things of which he inquired;
also, on learning that any one, on any consideration, has not told him the truth, he should let his anger be felt.

And if there are some who think that a prince who conveys an impression of his wisdom is not so through his own ability,
but through the good advisers that he has around him, beyond doubt they are deceived, because this is an axiom which never fails:
that a prince who is not wise himself will never take good advice, unless by chance he has yielded his affairs entirely to one person who happens to be a very prudent man.
In this case indeed he may be well governed, but it would not be for long, because such a governor would in a short time take away his state from him.

But if a prince who is not experienced should take counsel from more than one he will never get united counsels,
nor will he know how to unite them. 

Each of the counsellors will think of his own interests, and the prince will not know how to control them or to see through them.
And they are not to be found otherwise, because men will always prove untrue to you unless they are kept honest by constraint. 

Therefore it must be inferred that good counsels,
whencesoever they come, are born of the wisdom of the prince, and not the wisdom of the prince from good counsels." - Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince.

D. Hospital Checkout

The pain subsided by the time I checked out, although I still felt the pain.
I could not walk or stand more than 2 minutes.

Checked out from Hospital on Friday evening.
Rested well during Saturday / Sunday.

Monday morning, I went to Hospital Kajang again for the scheduled checkup, only to find the checkup to be postponed.

Went to an Indonesian chiropractor masseuse for a massage that late Monday afternoon.

Felt a little bit better.

Went to work that on next Tuesday.

E. Major Letdown

 As I reported to work that Tuesday morning, I was informed by the boss that I was replaced by another experienced guy.

Yes, I'm being replaced.

Even though it's a major letdown, I had to be practical about it, since I am impaired, and unable to site walk with my current condition.

Since the project is in hectic schedule, my Medical Leave caused a major delay in the works and so I had no choice but to be replaced.

I was told to stop reporting the Client/Architects and MainContractor.

The most painful moment was during the Thursday site walk, where I was told to "shut-up".

Anyhow, when I remembered about the excerpt from the Prince,

"he ought rather to discourage every one from offering advice unless he asks it"

I cleared my head of all disappointment and just tell myself, this is just business and getting things done.

Harsh, but things needed to be done in a military orderly kinda way in Construction business.

To be a professional is to be professional even though things are running like shit and against you.

You just got to view it from the eyes of the business side or the management side.

Of course I do felt being wronged, but that is because I still view myself as a worker, with a worker mentality, and if I focus too much thinking negative about it, I might not comprehend reasons from the business management side, and might affect my emotion and further impaired my work.

It is enough for me to be impaired in my legs, I could not afford being impaired with my judgement.

F. Work Friends

I spent last Friday and Saturday working in the office with the new Project Manager and with other office staff.

Yes gossips about me being replaced and possibly sacked is being heard in the office.

But I just kept quiet about it.

To close acquaintances which I trusted, I just told them to keep quiet about it and trust my boss of whatever decision and action that will be taken.

In the end, everybody is replacable.

But in the same time, it is not easy to get someone new and start all over.

A colleague exchanged stories with me, told me about him giving resignation letter after being told to "fu88 out" from the Project Site by certain party.

We exchanged ideas.

In the end, the idea to keep being cool and calm despite feeling like shit is to trust the judgement of the Bosses and the Company. Everybody shits, everybody smells bad, everybody made mistakes.

If they made a wrong judgement, then maybe you getting sacked is a good thing.

But if they chose to keep you, it doesn't necessarily means you're good.

It all depends on situation, necessities, and whatever criteria worth pondering.

F. Life's mega even when it hurts

A lot of pain. A lot of damages. Heartbreaks. Panic distress.


Due to my impairment, the new landlord let us stay with the current rent rate which we paid previously until Hari Raya this coming July.

I'm still with my job, even though the feeling of un-easiness is there.

I knew my wife loves me a lot as she stood by me during these critical times.

She slept in the hospital on the chair throughout my stay at hospital.

She's the one who drove me around during the two painful shit weeks, even though I drove myself to work this week.

A lot of prayers and well wishes from close families.

I'm able to discipline myself to keep quiet about this in my Facebook. Only closed family members knew of my condition. Most family members, friends didn't know.

In the least, by keeping silent about it, I kept away from sympathy and feeling pathetic about myself.

I'm shedding skin, changing within, I'm falling in.
Through swollen eyes, I dreamed you died, caught inside.
I'm shedding skin, spreading thin, severed stem.
I created the end, I'm killing a friend. I'm shedding my skin.

Photo Sources:,_1910-11,_Guitariste,_La_mandoliniste,_Woman_playing_guitar,_oil_on_canvas.jpg,_1911,_Still_Life_with_a_Bottle_of_Rum,_oil_on_canvas,_61.3_x_50.5_cm,_Metropolitan_Museum_of_Art,_New_York.jpg,_1911,_The_Poet_%28Le_po%C3%A8te%29,_C%C3%A9ret,_oil_on_linen,_131.2_%C3%97_89.5_cm,_The_Solomon_R._Guggenheim_Foundation,_Peggy_Guggenheim_Collection,_Venice.jpg,_for_Serge_Diaghilev's_Ballets_Russes_performance_of_Parade_at_Th%C3%A9%C3%A2tre_du_Ch%C3%A2telet,_Paris_18_May_1917.jpg,_1913,_Bouteille,_clarinette,_violon,_journal,_verre.jpg,_1913-14,_Head_%28T%C3%AAte%29,_cut_and_pasted_colored_paper,_gouache_and_charcoal_on_paperboard,_43.5_x_33_cm,_Scottish_National_Gallery_of_Modern_Art,_Edinburgh.jpg