Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Walden - living a life in a desolate way

I remembered the night my father passed away, alone at UM General Hospital.

I was there with him earlier that night, he asked of my mom, but I couldn't answer.

I went back around 11pm that night, then around 3am in the morning I received a call saying my father was in critical state, or what Malays call as "nazak"

By the time I arrived, he was gone.

I sat alone beside his deathbed, that time I wasn't feeling sad, but instead I feel some sort of morbidity.

The possibility of dying alone, amidst of having possessions and loving family.


When I was studying at UM, I wasn't a smart guy. I nearly got expelled.

What happened then, I become more reclusive, yet maintaining close friendship with guys I knew with.


Then around the final years, I read Walden by Henry David Thoreau.

The same time, I was also joining Islamic Tabligh but I think who I am now, were shaped by those moments when I reached for my small self, during the final years at UM.

It was this time, I read Ihya Ulumiddin by Imam Ghazali, Tanbihul Ghafilin by Abul Laits As Samarqandi.

I even found there are points in the Ihya Ulumiddin which are agreeable and reflected again in Thoreau's Walden, i.e. about the 4 basic necessities of life and how 
governance flourish from small communities into big state.

I bought many philosophical books during this time, either Islamic or Western ones.


I went to Dubai straight after UM, I think the spirit of self-reliance and self wander-ment helps a lot being alone at a country far away.

After the economic crash of 2008/2009, I went back to Malaysia and went to Bintulu, far away from my hometown Kajang.

Even though I'm getting married, I think that small space I create for myself, and only for myself, is crucial.

Morbid Angel - Desolate Ways 

Morbid Angel - Desolate Ways (Piano) 

Morbid Angel - In Remembrance

Apologies for typo errors and grammatical mistakes in the first draft of this blog that causes your cell brains to be cancerous.

Long Live Grammar Nazi!