Sunday, 26 November 2017

psychosomatic insane / far beyond driven : the thin line between insecurity and hunger to success

This might be the longest title in the history of this blog.

There is a thin line between insecurity and being success-driven.

People always confuse that insecurity, kiasu-ness is that little nitro ingredient that kicks in to drive that success.

(I'm high on capitalism LOL)

A. Psychosomatic Insane

I'll start this off with a personal story.

My family moved to Kajang around 1990 from Flat Sri Pahang, Bangsar, when I was in Standard 2.

Fast forward to years, mega years later.

Mom was married to my present step-dad then, somehow they had some misunderstanding with my bro, and they moved out from the Kajang house renting somewhere near.

I was back and forth from Kajang to some place else. And in 2013 I started to settle in.

Around this time, the Subang house was already in my possession, but the house was rented to other people. 

One day, sometime when I got serious with my wife (girlfriend back then), something happened.

The guy was screaming and throwing things in the middle of the night. I heard things breaking and falling.

The next day, I saw the TV was being located at the dinner table, and the TV table, which was the original location of the TV, some kitchen things being put there.

And the guy didn't talk to me, I asked things, but he had this anger resentment look in his eyes.

At first, I thought, "oh shit, this fella's nuts, he's gonna need help, he's related to me", all those thoughts.

Then on one Saturday morning,  the same screaming and throwing things happened, but this time, he kicked the door to my room, and I was sleeping inside.

When I asked him, he didn't answer me, but there's this strange feeling.

I moved out from the house that afternoon, rented a motel nearby, then for 1-2 weeks staying at friends house, wanting to rent together but not allowed (yeah that's what friends are for)...and I've been asking myself, what the hell went wrong out of a sudden?

Then slowly I realised. 

He's crazy, but there is a sadistic drama being played here. 

He felt "insecure" about that Kajang house, thinking that I was trying to take away that house from him by getting engaged then married.

My suspicion prove correct when he spat out the words to my mom some months later.

I rented a house nearby in Kajang, using the Subang rented money to pay the Kajang rent. When I got engaged, and married, I was quite determine to stay nearby with my wife, to my mom at least.

Shit happened then, and we moved to Subang now.

All the time went by, I thought that, that resentment already died when my wife and I now settled in Subang.

Last week I visited everyone in Kajang.
Then somehow, my motorcycle tyre punctured, and I had to stay somewhere, so I asked to stay for a night at "that guys house".

He ok'd with it, but I don't know, maybe by the time I rested in the house, some shit thoughts crossed his mind, or maybe he was just screwed.

We went to dinner, with his car, then when I wanted to pay, he was changed from a nice man to a psychosomatic angry insane fella.

And that night, around 2 am, he went berserk. He started screaming and throwing things.
I wanted to go out but hell everything was locked, and the grilles, the gate was being locked with big locks with chains.

Oh shit, I made a mistake sleeping at a psycho's house.

But I made it.

In the morning, he didn't speak to me even when I say something nice, I noticed the door was opened, the door grille was opened, and the gate was opened, and he looked at me as if,
"why the hell you are still not out yet".

So I got out as quick as I could and pushed my motorcycle to nearby motorcycle shop. And got back to Subang safely.

For me, this guy had a history of substance abuse.

Then the relatives made it more shittier with "jinns" and "islamic medication with jins" and "bomohs". Well I wouldn't dismiss it, but I knew this shit intensifies the sickness.

And I think, one of the root cause is, insecurity

And please, don't think that your pityness will help, you'll be drowned with the drama.

With what happened to me this week, and what I read in FB of a certain lady who have 6 house and charged student exorbitant renting prices, and actually bragged about it, telling other people are shit because she is better,

all I could think is, this is nothing but symptoms of insecurity.

And when I read further, the lady's childhood history, her mother was divorced and became single mother when she was little, 

all I could think is, this is nothing but symptoms of insecurity.

B. Far Beyond Driven

What Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, that  FB lady who own 6 house, and most insecure people I met and known, is wrong,

is because,

they confuse insecurity with the hunger to succeed.

Well, shit that happened in your life, can be your source of insecurity, or it can become your hunger for success.

The question is, which is which?

B1. Far Beyond Driven Part 1

Barbara Corcoran is a real-estate mogul and a star investor on the ABC series "Shark Tank."

She thinks kids who don't grow up with money have an advantage over kids who were raised wealthy when it comes to business, partly because the former are accustomed to failure.

Corcoran has said before that she doesn't invest in rich kids' businesses on "Shark Tank."

"I shouldn't say this," says Barbara Corcoran. "But I think a poor kid has a better shot than a rich kid."

Corcoran is a real-estate mogul and a star investor on the ABC series "Shark Tank." Though she grew up one of 10 kids in a two-bedroom house with one bathroom, today she's a multimillionaire raising her own pair of rich kids.

On an episode of Business Insider's podcast, "Success! How I Did It," Corcoran told US editor-in-chief Alyson Shontell why she thinks "poor kids" have the business advantage:

"My bias toward the poor person coming up is they're usually hungrier. They're more injured. They have more to prove. They haven't been given a lot of privilege in their life to make their landing softer. So they've had a few bumpy endings and they're used to failure, and, my God, what's more important in building a business than failing?"

Listen to the full episode here, or listen later with the buttons below:

Corcoran has shared this opinion before, on season six of "Shark Tank."

As Business Insider's Richard Feloni reported, when entrepreneurs Ben and Eric Kusin revealed that their father is the founder of GameStop and had invested $2 million into their business, Corcoran said: "I feel very badly saying this to you, but I, as a matter of principle, don't invest in rich kids' businesses."

"The best way to think of a solution in business when you're slammed up against a wall is to try to think of five different solutions to get around it and keep going," Corcoran told Feloni.

"But when you know that you have a trust fund, you know that you can always fall back on your parents, and you know that you can get additional funds, you get cheated out of thinking of those spur-of-the-moment, very needy ideas that get you through."

(Eric Kusin told Feloni there's a difference between being rich and being spoiled, and feeling entitled to success.)

Corcoran clarified her point for Shontell: "It's not that I don't like rich kids. I love my children, and they're rich kids now. But I think they, with their good education and the coddling that even I've given them and their father is giving them, makes kids a little softer in the belly."

B2. Far Beyond Driven Part 2

PETALING JAYA: The overseas Chinese were the unsung heroes of the region, having helped to build Southeast Asia to what it is today, said Malaysian tycoon Robert Kuok (pic).

He said that it was the Chinese immigrants who tackled difficult task such as planting and tapping rubber, opening up tin mines, and ran small retail shops which eventually created a new economy around them.

"It was the Chinese who helped build up Southeast Asia. The Indians also played a big role, but the Chinese were the dominant force in helping to build the economy.

"They came very hungry and eager as immigrants, often barefooted and wearing only singlets and trousers. They would do any work available, as an honest income meant they could have food and shelter.

“Robert Kuok, A Memoir’ is set to be released in Malaysia on Dec 1.

Kuok said the Chinese immigrants were willing to work harder than anyone else and were willing to "eat bitterness", hence, were the most amazing economic ants on earth.

In the extracted memoir published by the South China Morning Post, Kuok, pointed out that if there were any businesses to be done on earth, one can be sure that a Chinese will be there.

"They will know whom to see, what to order, how best to save, how to make money. They don’t need expensive equipment or the trappings of office; they just deliver.

"I can tell you that Chinese businessmen compare notes every waking moment of their lives. There are no true weekends or holidays for them. That’s how they work. Every moment, they are listening, and they have skilfully developed in their own minds – each and every one of them – mental sieves to filter out rubbish and let through valuable information.

"Good Chinese business management is second to none; the very best of Chinese management is without compare. I haven’t seen others come near to it in my 70-year career," he said.

"They flourish without the national, political and financial sponsorship or backing of their host countries. In Southeast Asia, the Chinese are often maltreated and looked down upon. Whether you go to Malaysia, Sumatra or Java, the locals call you Cina – pronounced Chee-na – in a derogatory way," he said.

He added that the Chinese had no "fairy godmothers" financial backers.

"Yet, despite facing these odds, the overseas Chinese, through hard work, endeavour and business shrewdness, are able to produce profits of a type that no other ethnic group operating in the same environment could produce," he said.

Kuok ultimately attributed the Chinese survivability in Southeast Asia to its cultural strength.

"They knew what was right and what was wrong. Even the most uneducated Chinese, through family education, upbringing and social environment, understands the ingredients and consequences of behaviour such as refinement, humility, understatement, coarseness, bragging and arrogance," he said.

For me, the answer can be realised, if you yourself run a business of your own.

If you found yourself comparing too much with others, or trying to get better than others, then I say that is "insecurity".

It is because, if you have a business, you want your business to expand further, and for that, at some point you'll need networking. And for starters, at least you are in the right group of people with the right mindset to further your business.

Most insecure Malays, I realised, mixed with wrong fellas, and spent time bragging and trying to look better than "others".

Those who are good, are usually more laid back and relaxed in their approach to people because "anyone might be your next potential customer".

There's no irate talk of making others feel shit.

One good rule of thumb is, if one can talk shit to you about others, they will usually end up talk shit about you to others.

A good businessman, doesn't want enemies, doesn't try to provoke, but trying to make the best out of it.

If you think too much about other people being shit, or other people being potential enemies, then I'm sorry, it's not a hunger to succeed, it is plain insecurity.

And you might be a damn psychosomatic insane because of it.

Just do your best, and relax, chill about it. One day you'll die of something, so why the worry?

Now I'm not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions

Try walking in my shoes

You'll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes