Sunday, 28 May 2017

one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind

You learn about life by the accidents you have, over and over again, and your father is always in your head when that stuff happens. 

Writing, most of the time, for most people, is an accident and your father is there for that, too. 

You know, I taught writing for a while and whenever somebody would tell me they were going to write about their dad, I would tell them they might as well go write about killing puppies because neither story was going to work. It just doesn't work. Your father won't let it happen. - Kurt Vonnegut, taken from Wikiquote

Photo Source :, Drawing by Amanda Dawg

Last Tuesday

Fell off from my motorbike during a ride. Scratches everywhere, but no bleeding, thankfully.
Hurt my knees terribly.

Laid in my bed that day with immense pain while reading social media.

A lot of idle talks on a certain  lady whom commented about 11 year old actress who wear tudung.

Actually I wanted to join the comment, but hell, the pain in my knees was immense. 
So I kept quiet.
And it was wise.

Then ponder things through, there are few things that made people not commenting on popular things, or even talk about it.

1. Immense pain
2. Terrified and full of fear about something, having no money and debt also falls into this.
3. Hunger
4. Tiredness 
5. Busyness from work, responsibility or activity.

And actually, I realised, if you write on social media of some issues for instance, you are free from those five things that you now have idle time to talk about it.

Hence, you should be thankful that you are free from those. 

If you are a Muslim, "Alhamdulilah". If you embraced other religion, praise to God. If you're an atheist, you should feel thankful, and embrace the free-ness from those five things.

Photo Source :

Abandoned fields

I was taken by this words from the band Converge.

"My barren plan to be a better man rots in abandoned fields"

The night before Ramadan the first, my usual musalla/surau (place of prayer, smaller than mosque) held their first tarawih/terawih prayer of year 2017. They did 20 rakaat of terawih, and the people were numerous, that they had to make a temporary camp outside the surau to compensate the coming of more than usual attendance of people to the surau.

By the time of the completion of 8 rakaat, many people had go off (there were traditions of praying only 8 rakaat of terawih), but I was surprised that there were still many peopl following the terawih prayer of 20 rakaat until the end. I felt lucky I was one of those that night.

The next day, it was Ramadan the 1st.

To my surprise, I felt extreme tiredness after my Maghrib prayer (by then we had open fast), that I went back home. 

I went back for the Isyak prayer, but, shamefully, my knees, felt terrible, that I went back home without praying Terawih.

I felt asleep. Wife came home after work around 10pm, but after greeting her, I went back to sleep.

Both of us woke up at 7am, without having our sahur today, and missing our Subuh prayer.

Personally I think, maybe I did something wrong in the past, and for sure this is a test whether I can still stay positive despite the predicaments, because whatever it is, the deeds that is accepted is an honest one, (Ikhlas), despite all the despair that felt like being abandoned on barren fields.

Somewhere there's a reason
Why things go like they do
Somewhere there's a reason
Why somethings just fall through
We don't always see them
For what they really are
But I know there's a reason,
Just can't see it from this far

Maybe I don't like it, but I have no choice
I know that somewhere, someone hears my voice

I thought I knew it all
I thought I had it made
How could it end this way?
I thought I knew

Somewhere there's a reason
Why things don't go my way
Somewhere there's a reason
That I cannot explain
Just like the change of season,
Just may not be my turn
But I know there's a reason,
The lesson's mine to learn

Note : The "one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind" was from a quote in Kurt Vonnegut's novel, Player Piano.

"Almost nobody's competent, Paul. It's enough to make you cry to see how bad most people are at their jobs. If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.