Sunday, 11 June 2017

one day you'll walk alone

Portrait of Young Woman with Unicorn - Raphael - 1505 or 1506
Source : Wikipedia

This drawing came out after Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Unicorn in images meant chastity and purity, as it is said that unicorns can only be captured by virgins.

However it was revealed by radiography in 1959 that actually Raphael drawn a dog, a symbol of infidelity, ie "being a bitch", but later Raphael altered the drawing to be unicorn.

Might be that the lady was holding a dog during painting, ie. honest mistake, but we will never know.

Sistine Chapel ceiling drawing by Michaelangelo

I had the idea of this writing last week, when my wife and I visited my parent-in-laws. whom taking childcare responsibility of my cute niece Sabrina and his beautiful baby sister, Chayra (pronounced as Khairah), as both Sabrina's parents are busy at work. By the time they got back from work, they were quite tired, but they are assured with Sabrina and Chayra being well fed and groomed.

I didn't post any recent photos of Sabrina and Chayra as I don't want their parents to become disturbed.


I realised that Sabrina is not just envy of her sister, but also kinda despise her baby sister a bit.

I always saw that Sabrina likes to squeeze her baby sister hands a bit too rough, sometimes when taking photo her smiles looks fake, I knew that Sabrina is confused as she do love her baby sister.

The reason of this? Attention.

And Sabrina is naughtier, but her naughty-ness is more rough nowadays. Even her grandfather, whom always favours her and was patient with her tantrum, nowadays acts more stern towards Sabrina.

And that makes her more hateful of the situation I guess.

I noticed all of that, but I didn't really think much of it.

It was only when I heard Sabrina with her finger pointing towards her babysister Chayra, said this to her tired mom :-

"Mak, tu si gemuk dah bangun!" (Mom, the fatty kid has woke up).

Chayra is just three months old.

Sistine Chapel ceiling drawing explanations

Hopefully my wife and I will have kids of our own soon.

I hope, one day I will be able to teach my kid/kids of these words.

"One day, you'll walk alone".

And I hope they will understand and not feel abandoned. I hope they can still stand up straight proud of themselves.

But then, maybe they will probably feel like Naruto, the character in Naruto comics.

They will cry and feel desolate at times. But if I am there, I would like to say "hold on buddy, that's life".

Cardinal and Theological Virtues by Raphael, a fresco at the wall of Stanzae Vatican, Vatican City, 1511

Ignorance is bliss

Quite recently. I sent emails to few people I knew online on certain matters and interest. Somehow I never get a reply back.

Then I realised, I didn't felt irritated or disturb. It felt light.

If it happened 10 years ago, I must have thrown stupid tantrums over it, and I realised it was all because of insecurity.

Now, being married, for sure, the insecurity level is different compared to when I was single.
And getting old also might make one more mature.

By then, I guess that those who didn't reply, have their own thing and we just crossed paths, but never interweave. And you gotta respect that.

When you are denied attention, yes you might be wondering why, but at my age, I would advice not to think much about it.

First, there are other major and pressing things in life that need that brain power.

And, as the Raphael's fresco "Cardinal and Theological Virtues" as you see above there suggest, there is a higher purpose of things in life.

When you think of it, you'll tend to ignore most gossips and idle talks, or small things in life, or, rather work with what you have rather than bitching about what you don't have.

So one idea to let yourself, to be able to walk alone one day, is to look things in a bigger perspective, to look at your life as if you're on top of a hill on a city, where all those cars, people and noises look small.

Religiously, if you somehow are able to treat your life as a traveller in a desert, religiously it felt like being closer to God. If you're an atheist, you might disagree to this statement, and it is your own right.

The School of Athens by Raphael,  a fresco at the wall of Stanzae Vatican, Vatican City, 1511

School of life in desolation

I would like to tell my kid/kids, that most first steps in life, are those steps where you have to walk alone.

I remembered on the day I took off to Dubai for my first job. I was on the plane alone.

Most of the mega beautiful things that I saw and experience is when I was alone.

I guess everybody living in this revolving earth experience loneliness as much as I did, like a traveller on a Lonely Planet.


I think one of the best thing a dad could offer to his 3-4 year old kid, when they ran happily and suddenly stumble and fell down, is;

To tell the child to relax, not to cry and try to get back on their two feet back standing proud.

It is because everybody falls, whether you're young or old, naive or gifted, everybody falls but what matters is the standing back again after the fall.

And after that, to be able to do that, alone.

Death of Ananias, drawing by Raphael, 1515

Attention and Disconnect

The problem nowadays and might be of the future to come is, attention becomes more like a drug to people.

I've seen recently in my FB, a former colleague "liked" few posts, of a bereaved mother being sad over her dead baby.

There were a some post from the same person, that somehow I start wondering, "shouldn't death be a private thing?"

She might got her own reasons, maybe she didn't have a reason ie. didn't think much of it, just simply post whatever she felt heavily at that time.

But then seeing her dead baby wrapped in cloth, with thousands of people watching, giving sympathy FB likes, and commenting with prayers...

I don't know the "cure" to this "addiction", and it is tragic somehow, to realise that actually, one day, you will die and be forgotten yourself.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

- In Flanders Field by John McCrae

Megadeth - Addicted to Chaos

Only yesterday they told me you were gone
All these normal people will I find another one?
Monkey on my back, aching in my bones
I forgot you said "One day you'll walk alone"

I said I need you, does that make me wrong?
Am I a weak man, are you feeling strong?
My heart was blackened, it's bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head?

Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?

In a dream I connot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos

Light shined on my path,
Turn bad days into good
Turn breakdowns into blocks, 
I smashed 'em cause I could
My brain was labored, my head would spin
Don't let me down, don't give up, don't give in

The rain comes down, cold wind blows
The plans we made are back up on the road
Turn up my collar, welcome the unknown
Remember that you said
"One day you'll walk alone"

Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?

In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos

Note : All photos here, the sources is from Wikipedia and WikiCommons