PART 1 : TALK IS CHEAP
I got married on March 2016.
And so some months after that, some people asked me about babies.
My wife also received the golden question from relatives and friends.
"So any news on the baby?"
I just replied to everyone with a dumb solemn face, "Nope, because I'm planning. Family Planning".
I didn't really know how my wife replied, so my wife's conversation details is not included here.
Mine, however, basically I can group it into 2 categories.
a) Married man category
b) men who are yet to marry.
Category A are less prone to criticise my act because, they knew well the full cost and tiredness of raising a child.
Even though some will say "Yup, but try to "bunting pelamin" (It's the malay term for getting pregnant on early months of marriage), because men and wife get older and you know some married couples out there tried for kids for years."
But they will somehow shut up later on, due to a wine fine called Experience. And I did mention at my other blog-entry, married men tend to ignore other married men problems.
Category B, however, either they are humble enough to listen (to gather that wine fine called Knowledge) or full of their own cockiness.
Muslims, had this idea called Rezqi or Rezeki, that God provides for every Creature created, and men should not shunned to get babies, because, in the end, it will all be provided for.
In Islam, God has 99 names, and one of the name is Ar-Razzāq (The Ever Providing).
And the verse:-
https://quran.com/17/31
Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin
I'm not rejecting this. Just that I know for sure what I want and how I want it to achieve it. But I shall discuss this in Part 2 of this blog-entry.
One Einstein genius, who belongs to Category B, accused me of cowardice and not believing in the Ar-Razzaq-ness of God.
He worked with the Korean Main-Con, while I'm the sub-con, and the conversation happened when we were having dinner, sponsored by me, as we had to work late at night to catch up with the project progress.
As he talked and elaborated his point, I just kept my mouth shut.
It is just of those moments when you knew, keeping quiet is better for entertainment value because now there's a chance observing a genius sparkling out his glorified ideas
There'll be lots of bullets to shoot him when you got the chance to one-up him later.
He keep telling me that I'm a freaking coward and ain't a true Muslim who believes that God provides.
I told him, "you are probably right" in order to reinforce his argument.
And few weeks after that, staying true to karma properties, life provides me with a glimpse of that same Shikamaru smile as the photo above.
I was having dinner with my wife, when I received a distress call from Einstein the Cleric.
"Bro, could you lend me few hundred Ringgit?"
In my heart, there's a dialogue "Oh how indebted I am to this wonderful moment".
I wanted to answer sarcastically to him but wife was in front of me, I didn't want to look bad.
I just told him I couldn't afford.
It was the best honest civilised answer I ever gave to someone.
That wine fine called Experience is really expensive and talk is always cheap.
PART 2 : COST
https://www.imoney.my/articles/cost-to-have-a-baby
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/nation/2015/06/14/having-kids-is-a-financial-strain-urban-parents-spend-up-to-rm15mil-today-to-raise-a-child-primarily/
http://kehidupan-insan.blogspot.my/2010/10/kos-membesarkan-anak.html
http://gilahartanah.com/persediaan-selepas-kahwin-101-berapakah-kos-tanggungan-si-comel-anda-yang-bakal-lahir-nanti/
https://loanstreet.com.my/ms/pusat-pembelajaran/berapakah-kos-yang-diperlukan-untuk-pembiayaan-kanak-kanak
http://www.kincolaw.com/suami-isteri-celik-syariah/suami-isteri-celik-syariah-bahagian-2-nafkah-isteri-dan-anak-5-perkara-semua-isteriibu-perlu-tahu/
https://ringgitplus.com/en/blog/Household-Budgeting/Can-You-Afford-to-Have-a-Baby-in-Todays-Malaysia.html
https://www.imoney.my/articles/how-much-does-it-cost-to-give-birth-in-malaysia
https://www.aia.com.my/en/what-matters/finance/cost-of-raising-a-child-in-malaysia.html
http://www.christopherteh.com/blog/2010/08/rm1-1-million-to-raise-a-child-in-malaysia/
https://www.comparehero.my/blog/infographic-cost-education-malaysia-prepare-financially
https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/in/Kuala-Lumpur
https://www.quora.com/How-much-does-it-cost-to-live-with-a-family-of-three-in-Petaling-Jaya-Malaysia-in-2016
https://www.imoney.my/articles/is-it-more-expensive-to-raise-a-child-in-malaysia-or-singapore
http://hsgbuloh.moh.gov.my/ms/pelawat/caj-a-bayaran/caj-bersalin
http://www.ihealth2u.com/?p=568
Go and read above links to study about the cost of raising a child. I did.
To be honest, at the present time of this writing, I knew that my wife and I can't afford for a child.
Yet.
I need time to build back my saving. and our current salary does not permit us yet for the monthly expenses. Time will come, but not now.
I would like to achieve certain amount of saving to be confident for having a child.
To me, that number is RM 15K to RM20k.
One thing you have to realised is that, there's no assurance if your wife could deliver the baby normally, or whether an operation is needed. Anything can happen.* (Refer Note 1 down below)
Even death. (seriously).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesarean_section
So better stand-by the money. If the money ain't used, believe me, it will be needed later.
I believe in Ar-Razzaq, but I don't want to play dice with life, and it's man-ly to be comfortable and confident when the time comes.
In average, at 2017, a single baby will cost around RM1.5 to RM2k per month and I know our current expenditures does not permit that. Yet.
There's a view that, don't worry, get a child first, somehow when the child is there, God will widen your income in one way or the other, as the Islamic idea goes, God will provide sustenance to the child in His Beautiful Way.
To me, I don't want to play dice and take chances. I believe in the Tawakal idea but I also feel it's good for a husband to have a good foundation when the time comes.
And that is what marriage is. You have to work on it.
I remembered the fact that my parents got married at 1979. Yet I was born at 1982.
About polygamy, I'm a guy and I would be lying to you if I told you I didn't like polygamy.
Biologically, men want their seed to spread as far as possible hence why you see men as more "horny" then women.
But for me, I run by a simple logic.
To have more than 1 wife, you need to have an income that enables you to cover the expenditures.
So if you have that extra money,
Isn't it better to just spend it or save it?
It takes effort to maintain a marriage. It takes twice an effort, twice the salary to have two wives.
Just my two cents.
Divorced humanity,
Science strays.
Walk the path of servitude.
Grown unknown malignant code
Misconceived the passion whole.
Misconceive the passion whole.
Born against the innocent ;
Amongst us issues preset.
Determined goals which are set.
Love : a crime of severance.
Are we free to feel ?
Do we hurt to heel ?
Whose life to steal ?
Whose pain is real ?
Breed to breathe.
Awareness fails the public eye,
Primate morals sell the lie.
2.2 - symbolic bait.
A process - bound genetic fate.
The selfish feed - breed to breathe.
Science strays.
Walk the path of servitude.
Grown unknown malignant code
Misconceived the passion whole.
Misconceive the passion whole.
Born against the innocent ;
Amongst us issues preset.
Determined goals which are set.
Love : a crime of severance.
Are we free to feel ?
Do we hurt to heel ?
Whose life to steal ?
Whose pain is real ?
Breed to breathe.
Awareness fails the public eye,
Primate morals sell the lie.
2.2 - symbolic bait.
A process - bound genetic fate.
The selfish feed - breed to breathe.
Note 1 :
Every woman wants to conceive normally.
But sometimes complication happens for a wide reason.The World Health Organization recommends that they should be done based on medical need and in many cases they are lifesaving for the mother and baby.
Note2 :
I'm productive today. I've made 2 post.
This is the 2nd post.