Sunday, 8 January 2017

phosphorescence moments

This is a very lovely pop song which I like immensely.

I remembered singing it with guitar to someone special when I was in Dubai, I think it was around 2008-2009 before I came back to Malaysia for good.

But, this song has a very dark subtle lyrics. I didn't remember from which book I read or where I read, somehow during the 80's, the marriage of New Order's frontman, Bernard Sumner and his wife, Sue Barlow, was in bad shape. Drugs and alcohol (not necessarily the husband), money, the music industry, the band, was taking its shape on their marriage.

And somehow they got divorced in 1989.

I felt pretty sure this song is what Sumner must've felt towards his wife.

Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

And about that someone special,

Even though I liked her (I'm not sure how she felt), both of us knew the relationship would not work.

We were totally different.

Different race, different background, different nationality and from what we were back then, we knew we couldn't make the relationship work.

But those moments when we were together, like eating ice-cream together at the shopping mall, are just moments of words that I can't say.

I wanted to write, about other things, for example about a 12-year-old kid who did shit with a friend in my Facebook page, and how kids nowadays are very impolite.

But I did not.

One of the reason is because kids are kids. They have their own wisdom of fools.

When I want to write about it, I couldn't help but feeling negative and sarcastic.
Then I decided to take a responsible step not to write and spread that negative energy.

And I remembered the last fight I had with my wife.

We were in a car, to McDonalds at Subang Airport.

We liked being at that McDonalds at Subang Airport, she would have that RM1 vanilla ice-cream, I will have my cold drink (and sometimes ice-cream) and we will sit in the air-conditioned area in hours.

Sometimes we chatted about things. Sometimes we played phone, I will scroll FB and she will play Hay Day. Sometimes I just read and got my mind away in Pluto while she, played Hay Day or talked with someone else on the phone.

Whatever happened in McDonalds, or didn't happened, we are there together.

And the fight we had in the car, was someone overtook me and I felt pretty pissed off, and started to scream profanities at that shitful driver.

That fella was driving me nuts.

But at that moment, I was angry. But what was important, I forgot something.

After few minutes, I remembered what I've forgotten.

That is, I was driving to McDonalds Subang Airport with my wife. I was going to get happy. And I was going to get her happy too.

I forgot about it and then I felt crappy guilty about it.

I didn't say sorry immediately, like most husbands, I guess, (because it will make us look like fools if we apologize immediately), I took my sweet time to mend it up again.

I remembered doing back head-over-shoulder while queing at the McDonalds. It was stupid because of course the woman felt embarassed.

But then I hold her hand. And never letting go.

She felt awkward, but I guess, somehow, she knew it..

It was just those moments of which I couldn't say.

I knew she felt okayed after that when she went on to take the sauce. That look on her face that all is fine and good.

Then we sat there and had our time.

Whatever happened in McDonalds, or didn't happened, we were there together.

The rest of the entry are just things I want to remember and enjoy throughout the week.


1. Use the 2-minute rule

When you're faced with a stressful situation, spend two minutes thinking about how you'd accomplish the seemingly impossible task ahead of you.

2. Avoid the 'don'ts'

Your language makes a huge difference in your attitudes and your behavior, Wittman writes. Try to omit the word "don't" from your speech and your thoughts, so that you're less focused on the potential negative outcome and more focused 
on the positive.

3. Think like CRAP

That's Clarity, Relevance, Accuracy, Precision. Here's how it breaks down:
Clarity: What's the target?
Relevance: Does this obstacle help me or hurt me in hitting my target?
Accuracy: Exactly how far away is the target?
Precision: Can that assessment be more exact?

4. Take responsibility

Wittman advises keeping a running tally of every time you make an excuse or blame someone else.
If it happens more than three times, you know you've developed a habit of making excuses

5. Specialize

"Multitasking is the bane of the Average Minded," Wittman writes, "doing a lot of things at once but never being great at anything."

6. Identify your emotional driver

Wittman writes: "If you don't know what you are willing to fight for and why, the chances are pretty high (100%) that you will quit fighting when it gets hard."

7. Craft an identity statement

At the very beginning of mental toughness coaching, Wittman asks clients to tell him who they are. They usually talk about their job, or maybe their role in their family. But Wittman encourages them to dig deeper.

8. Desensitize yourself to your fears

Wittman said that when he started his own business, he was terrified of making sales calls. Specifically, he was afraid of getting flat-out rejected.
So he took on a project for which he had to make 50 cold calls every week. The idea was to systematically desensitize himself to making those sales calls — and eventually, he was able to do it without panicking.

9. Use criticism as motivation to improve

Whatever you do, Wittman writes, "DO NOT internalize critical comments that put you down." Remember: When you're in charge of your own thoughts and feelings, no one can make you feel bad about yourself.


From that above it somehow becomes this.

This is here because I want to figure out the tab.








Photos from