Saturday on the last week of 2012, on a cool morning dusk, right after
subuh prayer and writing the previous post, i received an email as per
below.
“xD saya pon menyampah kat kamu :p cmne?
hee…apa pon take care..mmg tak berjodoh kta ni..asik stress je..bahaha :D tatata~”
with mood being spoiled, i replied something like below to her.
“oh thanks for the email. u really have a talent!..u do have a talent to make people feel like dirt! congratulations!”
then i continued back to sleep.
life’s like that, don’t bother so much.
on
the next coming monday, i had to go to my previous employer’s office to
settle “issues” regarding the previous project, so i had to make my
mind sharp and focus on this issue.
in the same time, i need to take a stance, be serious and “cold-minded”
as to be firm on the reason why i resign the company and the project i was involved with.
Hence the cold reply for the email.
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i ain’t the type who listens to radio.
Dear
God blessed me by making me born to a sweet mother whom bought me a
walkman after i got 4A for UPSR (mine taken during 1994).
Ever since, with pocket money (which quite a lot compared to food costs during those years), i managed to buy cassette tapes.
My 1st album was Duran Duran The Wedding Album.
Somehow by the introduction of Offspring - Smash in 1995, I’m more towards “speed music”.
Bought metallica -ride the lightning (1st metal album I bought)…hooked on to this kind of noisy stuff ever since.
After resigning from an oversea job last December 2012, i’m blessed again with a Kancil car. Hahhaha. Quite ok for a first car.
Having a car meant you got to listen to the goddam radio, because you cannot plug in to a mp3 player
(used to plug in to mp3 player while riding motorcycle hehe).
been listening to this TraxxFM from last december, reason being the first programme i listen was Altern Nation.
last monday there was programme UK Top 40..and suddenly they played Robbie Williams “Candy”.
Never
bothered about music from Robbie Williams….until the moment i parked my
car at Kajang’s Caltech station, when Candy was being played.
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I took the business of courting ladies quite seriously by the time i worked my first job in Dubai.
Before that I don’t think much about this despite having quite a number of crushes in university.
Money builds confidence.
But the bloody thing is, I’ve been failing ever since. Guess I ain’t talented for this kind of thing.
There was a time where I was attracted to a sweet Filipino lady in Dubai.
She was a secretary. It was love at first sight…but hush! I think it’s more like being attracted to a very attractive girl.
My seniors gave the approval for me to court that girl.
So what we did, was arranging a lunch at a seafood restaurant.
In order to ask her to come, we gotta ask the other lady staff to come along.
The
filipino ladies there were quite happy to join. (there were quite a
number of them..i do not remember the exact figure..was about 4-5 ladies
if i ain’t mistaken).
She (the target being pursued) agreed to join. How happy I was.
What happened then was really dumbfounding.
By
12 afternoon, everybody, my seniors and I, including the filipino
ladies was already in the van to go to the seafood restaurant.
but the cute girl was not in the van.
where is she?
the
filipino ladies explained that roselle (the name of the cutiepie)
bought along her lunch to office that day, so she couldn’t come.
we proceed to the restaurant, and the filipino ladies ordered LOTS of EXPENSIVE meals for the lunch.
I remembered paying quite a lot, with my seniors offering to split the bill, but I said nevermind, don’t bother.
Stupid Bloody stupid. (like in Sabbath Bloody Sabbath - Black Sabbath)
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There’s one theory of mine which I made up from experience of this.
A stupid do what a stupid does.
nevermind if the saying above is stupid..it’s my stupid words after all.
From 2006 to 2012 I did stupid things in the name of love and messed up.
Never got any return.
In Bahasa Melayu it is called “cilaka”. hhahaa.
There
was also one time where I asked a girl working in the office to go out
for a date as the next week I was going out for an oversea job.
As usual, I asked the friends in the office for advice.
They said “don’t do it, Firdaus, kitorang tak sampai hati tengok”
But then, a stupid do what a stupid does.
By the time I called her name, she basically run frantically to floor above then proceed to go to toilet.
yes. she ran. she didn’t walk.
Stupid bloody stupid.
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I was lucky to get a full settlement with my previous employer last Monday.
The discussion was good, I even shook the hand of my employer with a smile.
Then on Tuesday, I proceed to get a copy of Robbie Williams - Candy.
Watched the youtube video also.
I’m basically in deep thoughts when I heard the part “What are you doing it for?”
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The fault of my failure lies in the attitude of overeagerness.
In Malay we call it “ber ia ia sangat”.
For
a guy, it’s looks more cool in not saying anything and delve in silence
rather than saying things which make you look stupid.
You gotta remember, being nice doesn’t make one attractive.
How many times have we heard and seen bad guys gets the nice ladies?
Quite a number of times right?
Once, there’s a lady whom one day upon leaving the office, suddenly being nice to me.
She had a freak controlling boyfriend.
She lied to her boyfriend that there was no malay males in the office, for fear of her boyfriend jealousy.
Something like, her boyfriend gave her permission to work in our office because there were no malay males.
baru boyfriend, belum kawin pun.
Anyway, during her last day, she said something which dumbfounded me ever since.
“aku suka kat somebody tu..dia baik..tapi tak boleh la dengan dia..sebab dia baik sangat..”
Hah?
There,being nice doesn’t make one attractive.
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When I said being nice doesn’t make one attractive, no, i’m not propagating the agenda that guys should be jerks to get girls.
Nope.
I think that whatever you do, you must do what you SHOULD do.
Don’t do things because of being nice.
Do things because you should and required to do it.
Same like the 5 times daily prayer.
Now, we do it because we should and required to do it.
After doing it perfect on a number of occasion, then only the khusyuk, the sweetness, the sakinah will come.
But
the first time carrying out the prayer, honestly, it’s not on the
pretense of being nice.(kita sembahyang pasal kita nak jadi baik, itu
agak bullshit)
It’s because it is something required to do.
If not you’ll end up asking “why the hell i’m being nice but those jerks/bitches did that nasty thing to me, bla bla bla”.
Not only religion-wise.
The idea of being gentleman also is like that.
Being
a gentleman looks cool if it is carried out on the pretense “it is
required to behave like this, etc.” rather than the pretense of being
nice.
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Second thing to overcome eagerness is to comply to rules of reciprocity.
Now, reciprocity is actual law of nature. Remember Newton’s 3rd law?
When talking of reciprocity, i’m more inclined towards Taoism view.
(Islam pun ada benda ni ok, it’s the same idea/thing basically,
taoism tu delve in detail when comes talking about harmony in nature,
for me after reading taoism aku macam mula faham pasal qada qadar
and stuff of nature ok? so Muslim readers please do not look it
in negative way, the more u read the clearer u should be in life)
To simplify things, there’s one kungfu movie called Tai Chi Master which starred Jet Li as the hero.
By the middle of the movie, hero Jet Li then becomes insane after losing his friends in battle.
Then he found the kungfu, the scene where he push the ball into a pot of water,
then the ball bounce back…as per youtube link below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDZqkJQADLU
(push to 1:08 minutes, the scene when Jet Li found the reciprocity law in nature)
The idea is to act according to reciprocation.
In love/courting girls, u first do something to the girl. (intro or something)
Then wait for her reaction.
Then act according to the reaction, never more and never less.
In the same time, the action being carried out is on the pretense of a gentleman,
that is because the thing need to be done as it is..
not because u want to be nice or look nice to her.
The first benefit of doing like that is you maintain your self respect and self integrity.
You ain’t sure that lady will be your wife yet, or if she will at later times, then at least
you can maintain certain degree of respect.
The second benefit is if things do not work out, at least you can say to yourself, “well at least
i did what a gentleman should…don’t matter if the lady appreciate or not”.
To go beyond that will make one suffer.
With war happening all over world, and with palestinians suffered from phosphorus burns,
everybody knows that nobody wants to suffer for any reason whatsoever.
Chivalry?
Chivalry was practiced during the dark ages.
By Industrial Revolution times, man were smart enough to know that gentleman is all that is required.
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Then one will ask, if the lady did something nasty to me, should i do something nasty back to her?
well it depends.
Act wisely and do what is logical to do at that time.
If you need to be nasty, then make it simple and don’t overdo it.
Don’t lose self respect.
People come and go, but your mind will be with you until you die..and until kiamat i think.
So respect it.
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I’ll end this web log for today with below’s lyrics from the band Brutal Truth.
Bite The Hand - Brutal truth, from album Need to control
Point down on me
As if you seek
Look to yourself
Think for yourself
For what’s to be
Will always be
Why can’t you see
Life creates its own decision
Why point at me?
Just say what you got to say
Judging your actions
Conditioned fools will always… pay
Yes, conditioned fools will always pay. Remember that.
I don't bother. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. - Bernard Baruch