Today was not a good day.
Started the day grumpy when Waja the Car couldn't be started, weak battery issue.
Motorcycle tires punctured just as I reached the first corner to the main road.
Went to work with my Kancil. A blessing in disguise actually, as Waja The Car and Kriss the Motorcycle had their problems known early in the journey.
When I arrive at site today, I found out in horror that my workers team all disappear, i.e. went Missing In Action (MIA / did not come to work).
The Main-Con screwed me badly, but this time, I knew it wasn't my fault and I just look at them with a blank sighing face.
There was a material delivery scheduled today but had to be cancelled due to no manpower.
Related bosses are informed but up to this moment of writing, I didn't bother to check their reply.
Whatever words/excuses, times were lost, and so does progress. And us, the site representative, is the one bearing the responsibilities, and the screwing up from the higher plane, i.e. Main-Con n Client.
But this time, something inside me died.
I just went to break, had some food, then went back home. I no longer care.
During the trip back home, there was a car which I overtake, but the driver somehow was pissed off.
Somewhere at Kajang.
He overtake me, then somehow I overtaken him again. There was something going on when he overtake my car another time quite aggressively. He was mad and was driving madly.
So I just let him overtake. I didn't care because I think something inside me were dying out. I no longer care.
Then at a certain point near my housing area, he took a U-turn and wanting to stop my car.
We look at each other. I look at him with a solemn blank face. No anger, nothing. That time I had no mood whatsoever. Something inside me were dying out.
Surprisingly, he just left.
It was quite a funny scene though. It was a chase which ended up with a realisation, that this stupid chase isn't worth a shit of our short forsaken time.
I reached home then had my afternoon and early evening prayer.
Except for safety thereafter and away from the fire, I didn't ask or begging anything from God.
My inner heart said, "God, today something inside me are dying out.".
Then after prayer I listened to this and try learning this track with my acoustic guitar.
We're dying for our souls to learn
We're dying for our souls to burn
We're dying for our souls to learn
We're dying
It is an easy song, but its tempo and strumming, in head-banging wise, is damn good.
As my thoughts engulfed in the riffing and my own melancholy, :-
I realised,
A moment of living is a moment step to dying.
I am living as I am dying.
The pain never ends.
Photo source : http://www.coveralia.com/discos/obituary-cause_of_death_(1997).php
And yeah, today I changed my Google avatar photo to this.
