Thursday, 15 August 2013

Merciless


Note : This is spontaneous writing, it came during these "honest" moments in life. Therefore, I'll write in Malay/English. Forgive me.

Aku berhari raya mengikut parents ke Johor, Kota Tinggi dan Batu Pahat.

As my stepfather's instruction, we went to graveyards of our relatives, and most importantly, we went to my grandparents cemetery field, located at Batu Pahat on 2nd day of Raya.

Grandparents on my mother's side.

First we went to grandpa's grave, Mustaffa Bin Kassim, passed away on 20th Ramadan on the Masihi year of 1980. He was 60 years old. He passed away at 7.30 am in the morning.

Then after recitation of prayers, next we went to my grandmother's grave, just a few "graves" away.

Her name is Zaharah binti Mahmud.
She passed away on 10th ramadan at 11.30pm night on the masihi year of 1971.

What struck me at that time is, I found out she passed away at the age of 32.

Yup, at 32 years old, she already bear 12 kids, the youngest was 3 months.

 My mom, the 2nd eldest were 15 yrs old.

And many theory came out on why she died that day, most related to certain property taking or dengki-khianat like those found at Malay tabloids, or those malay dramas.

To me, the reason why, seems so merciless.

Yet again, I soothe myself with the knowledge that God is maha merciful and benevolence.

What struck me most, is the age when she died. 32.

Because this year, I'm 31 yrs old.

Then I realised.

I don't really have much time left living. The thing is, it's just 20 over years left for me to withdraw my EPF. And it's just another 40 yrs less to reach the age of 60.
And maybe less.

I don't really have much time left, not because of sickness, but because I realised I already lived 30 yrs breathing on this Earth.

And so, I reflected much, after I left the cemetary yard, up to this day this post is written.

You see, I remembered about my brother, my past puppy love, those time spent, those people.

And so i told myself.

I will leave out those who are negative, because the remaining days ain't worth spending on negative things.

I will leave out those who disrespects, because I would like to spend my remaining days feeling better about myself.

Yesterday, one of my cousin, told me in FB something negative about our cousins, and so I decided to block her out of my Facebook.

Sorry, I don't want to hear any negative stories. If it hurts, so be it.

Even though I ain't married, but now I think, it's better to be alone than be with someone who made your day feeling bitter.

Nevertheless, if someone comes along, I just ride along, provided that the days spent with her is well-worth.

Not just her, anybody, including friends and folks.

It's time to be merciful to myself by being merciless to others, not in a bad way, but in making sure that those worth being with, are those worth keeping.

Let friends be few and far between, because distance and space is what makes a relationship with other people sweet and simple , because everybody's got their dues in life to pay.

What is important at the end of the day, are respect and well-thoughts.

video

Aerosmith- Dream On

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things you do, come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
And dream until your dream come true
Dream on [7x]

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing it for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing it for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away