Saturday, 24 August 2013

Return To Innocence

It was said that,  moments just before you died, you will remember all your life, like a recorded tape being played back at you.

All that is said, all that is done, is captured by that "video tape" and is played back at you during those moments when your soul starting to depart from your body.

I kinda believe it.

My father, before he died, was in a coma, and the day before he died, he woke up from his coma.

Around 9 hours before he died, (he died 4am in the morning), he suddenly raised up, he suddenly hugged me inside his arms (in malay, peluk), for about 10 minutes or so. He didn't want to let go.

Eventually, my brother came, and my father hold him tight too.

None of us spoke anything.

When he let us go, I knew from his eyes, he didn't want to let go. And so I stayed at his bed, right until 12am that night.

There were no verbal exchange whatsoever. And his eyes basically look at me, then look "afar".  (pandang jauh).

At 1 am something I went out, but just around 3am, I got a call from hospital with the nurse saying " ayah awak nazak skrg, tolong dtg segera". (your father in his final breaths, pls come ASAP).

By the time I reached there, the curtains around his bed were closed. The nurse just spoke "ayah awak dah tak ada" (Your father is gone).

And she told me to wait until 6am, because only by then the "bilik mayat" or mortuary room was opened, so that death certificates can be issued.

And so I sat there solemnly. I didn't cry though. And none of my mother and brother cried too for 2-3 days after he passed away. I didn;t know for sure about it, but I'm sure I didn't.

It was solemn and silent. 

I watched my father "slept", but not breathing. I realised he had died alone.

Only by then, I realised the significance of that hug.

It was said that, moments just before you died, you will remember all your life, like a recorded tape being played back at you.

And this fact is beautifully captured by the video above, Return To Innocence by Enigma, released sometime in 1994, when I was taking UPSR.

If you see the video, it'll start with an old man dying, and then he "remembers" all the things that happened to him and his wife, from his death right up to the time when he was baptised when he was a baby.

As the song progresses forward, his story progresses backwards, this is captured by the characters who become younger and younger and as the video goes on. (if you realised this).

The unicorn who walks backwards, signify the time going backwards.

You see, when you die, you realised how insignificant this life is, but you will see the beauty through every sweet and pain you'll endure.