Tanda Putera

About the movie Tanda Putera, recently released in Malaysia.

There's a wisdom that UMNO learnt, and I guess they learned it from the publisher, Utusan, which publishes Malay entertainment magazine URTV and Mangga.

The Wisdom is, bad publicity is still a publicity.

URTV and Mangga is the highest selling entertainment magazine in Malaysia. If you ever read one, it always publishes gossips or bad/naughty stories about artists, even though it's a hearsay.

It's because bad publicity is still a publicity.

Sex sells to Malay audience too, no matter how subtle it is.

One of the scene that is popularised in the movie, describes a Chinese guy peeing on the Malaysian flag.

It made everyone asks, discuss, and think about it.

The victory for the producers is in making people asking, and noticing the existence of a wide gap between Chinese and Malay people in Malaysia.

Its nothing but Realpolitik.

Most images about the movie is about people running., or Malay and Chinese running away from each other, in fear.

What a good advertisement for unity of races in Malaysia under 1Malaysia programme.

Will the movie be implicated under Sedition Act?

Note :  
Read this :-

http://www.malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/no-holds-barred/59075-a-fight-for-pussies

"Do you think I value or treasure comments from people who comment without revealing who they are? Anonymous comments are not worth shit. You can shove these anonymous comments up where the sun does not shine for all I care. You may think that your anonymous comments are so great. Well, think again. Maybe you should raise your standards a wee bit. They are too low for my liking." - Raja Petra Kamaruddin

Happy Merdeka Day 2013.

I wish to all Malaysians, Happy Merdeka Day on this 31'st August 2013

I wrote previously on the comment section at http://cursingmalay.blogspot.com/2013/08/hanya-dengan-menyokong-parti-politik.html

Independence Day is about the pride you have because of self-rule.

I knew it's difficult to feel that pride, if you felt "pressed" economically. And so, I understand why nowadays, there is not so much enthusiasm for people to show with pride the Malaysian Flag "Jalur Gemilang", when they got other pressing issues regarding how to feed themselves.

Economy is bad. That's it.

This song, I heard from this when I was 14 or something. The music is not so thrash-rock, it's more slowed down tempo, because in the 90's, Megadeth wanted to beat the Metallica's Black Album which sounds more commercial and rock-oriented.

However, what is good about this is the lyrics.

The lyrics is progressive to a 14 yr old me back then, when others was singing KRU - Awas, I was taken aback by this. The definition of a great nation.

I kept asking myself ever since, what;'s the definition of a great nation?

Until we knew, how to define Malaysia as a great nation, we will always have people not so enthusiastically to wave the Jalur Gemilang with pride. We can enforce law to people requiring a mandatory to wave the Jalur Gemilang flag, but we cannot stop people from thinking other wise.

Vision 2020 are just years ahead, but tell me, what is there to define Malaysia as a great nation?

Great means better than someone else.

We ain't proud being better than Zimbabwe, aren't we?

ARCHITECTURE OF AGGRESSION
Born from the dark,
In the black cloak of night.
To envelop its prey below,
Deliver to the light.
To eliminate your enemy,
Hit them in their sleep,
And when all is won and lost,
The spoils of wars are yours to keep.

[chorus]
Great nations built from the bones of the dead
With mud and straw, blood and sweat,
You know your worth when your enemies
Praise your architecture of aggression

[Solo : Marty]

Ensuing power vacuum
A toppled leader dies
His body fuels the power fire
And the flames rise to the sky
One side of his face a kiss
The other genocide
Time to pay with your ass
A worldwide suicide

[Chorus]
[Solo : Marty]

marriage?

http://syedsoutsidethebox.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/marriages-jom-kita-menyusahkan-orang.html

Video : Father of the bride speech - Rowan Atkinson (before Mr. Bean period)

I personally felt, this is applicable to Malaysian's Muslim, if you change the wording Church into Mosque, the mentality is just the same damn thing.

Once, I liked a girl.

She somehow got the info that I worked in Dubai before, and so she was wittingly "positive" when we first met.

What I knew is what every man knew, if a girl shows intent to know you, then go for it.
Especially if she's an attractive free-hair Malay girl in her early twenties with a cute face.

What happen was, as we went to know each other further, she started "rejecting" slowly, bit by bit.

The reason was purely simple.

It's because she didn't see "potential" in me, even though I'm an engineer back then, I rode a Kriss less-than-100cc bike. The impression was I'm a lowly paid guy. That's it.

Some of my friends who just graduated from college had better luck, because they bought a car, even though some of them borrowed my money to make ends meet.

And so, by the end of the day, I was rejected.

One day, a week Hari Raya, my friends and I went to this lady's house. Just for Hari Raya open house invitation.

I remembered that her mother was the one going back and forth to the kitchen. She didn't even served the drinks. And from there, I knew, she's not the girl who likes cooking or got anything to do with kitchen stuff.

I remembered that her mother told us (because there were other engineers with big cars with us that day), her daughter is very good at "kemas rumah" or upkeeping the household clean.

All I thought of that day was, from all the talents and qualities of a girl, "upkeeping the household clean" is the only thing that her mother could think of?

Then for sometime, I remembered the fact that this girl of interest, is just an SPM holder, not even degree for god sake.

I felt stupid when I remembered that someone who had SPM can look down on me, just because I liked her. That's my personal feeling of the incident.

That is my impression of Malay girls.

 Since construction life is shit, I really valued the money's earned by it.

To get married at this present time, you gotta have RM20k cash-in-hand.
The rate for maskahwin for a degree holder girl is RM12k (I knew of this after asking people during 2011-2012, the rate might change).
The wedding ring costs RM 3-4k.
The ceremony, the cheapest if you hold it at villages, and only at the girl's side, will be 2-3k.

And what do you get after all that? A loving wife that babbles and screams at you?

As a men, you gotta buy a house, a car and have to upkeep the bills.

As your marriage gets older, you need to add the additional funds required to raise a kid.

 And what do you get after all that? A wife that babbles and screams at you? A cute kid which grows up to be noisy?

I'm not anti-marriage. I'm just doing my own bloody analysis about this.

Don't talk-cock about love, personal feeling or whatever, especially when money's involved.

If you think in monetary terms, you want an investment with a highest ROI with the lowest risk involved. That is what all people think instinctively, whether that girl, the family or the society.

Those who yelled at me telling religiously that marriage is holy by religion, and marriage is one of the Sunnah of the Prophets, let me tell you this.

The people nowadays didn't make it holy and as Sunnah as it should be. Especially if you have families, relatives, and in overall, a society which have the same thinking as the video above by Rowan Atkinson.

My neighbours all asked me why I didn't get married. My answer = no money. Purely simple. And they never asked for a second time.

To me, this view has its advantageous (look at the positive side of things always).

At least later on, if I'm interested at a lady, I must find out if she could cook better than me. :)

Return To Innocence

It was said that,  moments just before you died, you will remember all your life, like a recorded tape being played back at you.

All that is said, all that is done, is captured by that "video tape" and is played back at you during those moments when your soul starting to depart from your body.

I kinda believe it.

My father, before he died, was in a coma, and the day before he died, he woke up from his coma.

Around 9 hours before he died, (he died 4am in the morning), he suddenly raised up, he suddenly hugged me inside his arms (in malay, peluk), for about 10 minutes or so. He didn't want to let go.

Eventually, my brother came, and my father hold him tight too.

None of us spoke anything.

When he let us go, I knew from his eyes, he didn't want to let go. And so I stayed at his bed, right until 12am that night.

There were no verbal exchange whatsoever. And his eyes basically look at me, then look "afar".  (pandang jauh).

At 1 am something I went out, but just around 3am, I got a call from hospital with the nurse saying " ayah awak nazak skrg, tolong dtg segera". (your father in his final breaths, pls come ASAP).

By the time I reached there, the curtains around his bed were closed. The nurse just spoke "ayah awak dah tak ada" (Your father is gone).

And she told me to wait until 6am, because only by then the "bilik mayat" or mortuary room was opened, so that death certificates can be issued.

And so I sat there solemnly. I didn't cry though. And none of my mother and brother cried too for 2-3 days after he passed away. I didn;t know for sure about it, but I'm sure I didn't.

It was solemn and silent. 

I watched my father "slept", but not breathing. I realised he had died alone.

Only by then, I realised the significance of that hug.

It was said that, moments just before you died, you will remember all your life, like a recorded tape being played back at you.

And this fact is beautifully captured by the video above, Return To Innocence by Enigma, released sometime in 1994, when I was taking UPSR.

If you see the video, it'll start with an old man dying, and then he "remembers" all the things that happened to him and his wife, from his death right up to the time when he was baptised when he was a baby.

As the song progresses forward, his story progresses backwards, this is captured by the characters who become younger and younger and as the video goes on. (if you realised this).

The unicorn who walks backwards, signify the time going backwards.

You see, when you die, you realised how insignificant this life is, but you will see the beauty through every sweet and pain you'll endure.

+ve

Recently I voiced out my opinion about Pemuda PAS in a comment section at Tukar Tiub.

I'm a fair person.
When it's wrong, I speak, but when it's good I promote it.

Rather than condemning Metallica, one group decides to collect charity funds to Egypt using Metallica's issue.

This is positive, and I promote it. Good move! That's the way to do it!

Alhamdulilah.

You see, in reading issues in Malaysia, you have to be wide open and analyse everything.

I take the issue of PTPTN-CCRIS.

If you guys fight and fight about PTPTN endlessly, the fight would not be to your advantageous. Why don't you find the view to make it advantageous?

I took 28k from PTPTN to study in UM.

But, there were reports mentioning there were guys who took 40k to 60k for study loan, merely because it's a private institution.

So rather than whacking PTPTN, why don't you guys raise the issue of WHY PRIVATE INSTITUTION CHARGED SO MUCH?

It's more sensible raising that issue, isn't it?

About housing issue with its cost too much and unbearable, there will be views defending this by mentioning about loan rates and so forth.

Actually it's a diversion.

You have to ask, why the hell the house is too damn expensive to be bought in the first place?

If you talk about bank loan rates, you will find interest for bank loan for housing is stipulated by Bank Negara (8%), and banks can offer less rates but not more. But all the issue talking about bank rates will be misleading.

You have to ask, why the hell the house is too damn expensive to be bought in the first place?
Bank Negara had no jurisdiction of determining house prices.

Who does? Why isn;t there any ceiling prices for houses?

Which government body controls house prices? Why isn't there any "pemantauan"? 

Some discussion put forth are very misleading and hence, no solution found. Everybody just accept it as it is.

Always find a view that is advantageous to you when you read newspapers and other Malaysian issues.

Adeline

Video : Round Table featuring Nino - Beautiful

Writing is fictional. It is inspired by the recent case in Malaysia, where a husband beat her wife in front of their kids, inside a lift, the scenes were recorded by the security camera.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Beautiful.

C.K. Lim called herself Adeline, during her Form 6 schooldays.
Chinese people usually have a English/Roman name, during their teen years.

Before Form 6, Adeline didn’t really socialise much, especially with boys, given that she studied at all-girls Convent School at Kajang.

She studied Form 6 at Kajang High School, where boys and girls mixed together in the classroom.

Her best friend there was Devi, an Indian girl, and a free-hair non-tudung Malay girl with the name of Newrene.

Devi, or Miss D as she’s used to be called, had those big eyes which bring warmth to Adeline and Newrene whenever they met. That natural smile of Miss D, her talkativeness (and sometimes quite annoying too :) ) is all that matters to their friendship. They felt beautiful among her presence, like red roses which sparkles the gardens of orchids and crysanthemum flowers nearby

One day, Miss D didn’t came to school. It was a week after that when Adeline and Newrene knew exactly what happened.

They never knew before this, that, Miss D’s warmth was a product of her alcoholic father who likes to beat Miss D’s mom, whenever he lost money to alcohol and other manly adventures. They never knew before this, that, Miss D smiles to them because she could hardly smiles at home.

And when Miss D finally “spoken” that day, she was all alone.

The daily news reported an 18 year old Indian girl who hanged herself at home.

Adeline and Newrene cuddled themselves, after knowing the whole truth.

Adeline felt what Miss D felt. Totally.
It’s because she herself saw the same thing inside her home. Her father ain’t alcoholic though, just that he is the same like Miss D’s father, were addicted to chaos. Gambling is addictive.

Newrene felt the loss quite a different way, distrusting man, as she knew her father likes to have affairs.


————— end of Part 1———————-


Adeline came back from work today feeling tired and emotionless.

She felt devastated today when a colleague grabbed her butt and then smiles. It was purely pathetic and sickening.

She didn’t feel appreciated at her job. Somehow, she knew, guys in the office, and guys who sees her when she went back to her house, just look at her as some pretty object with no brains.
There were no respect and no love. Just pure lust.

She cooked noodles, then after a nice meal, she went to the bathroom.

She turns on the water heater, let the water sprinkled to her body and just sat there motionless.

"God, or anyone up there, I pray to you, please let this tears flow together with this warm water out from me. Please."

The icicles at her eyes melt and flows.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Beautiful.

After that “hot water session” in the bathroom, she puts on her best dress.

She groomed herself nicely.

She didn’t over-dress and over make-up. It was simple touch here and there.

And she looked at her mirror. “Thank you God, I feel beautiful”.

Newrene contacted her for a dinner get-together.
Adeline sensed something’s wrong when Newrene asked to go to the most expensive restaurant they both knew.

Adeline then spends nearly half an hour choosing the best shoes for this. She didn’t want to look pretentious, she didn’t want to look cheap, the shoes must match her leopard-skin pattern skirt.

Realising she might be late, she rushes back to her room, to that big mirror.

"Oh thank god, it match!" as she smiles frantically.


————— end of Part 2———————-


At the restaurant, Adeline looked with amazement at Newrene.

She felt a little bit jealous at Newrene’s bobby-cut hair look. Especially when the pearl earrings shines Newrene’s neck.

"Damn me for my long hair" Adeline felt.

But Adeline felt better when Newrene commented about her long flawless hair.

"You went to saloon before coming here, is it?", Newrene asked with anticipation as she herself wanted to know the best saloon in KL, which she suspected Adeline frequently goes to.

They chatted, had warm drinks. At first, Adeline wanted to order some wine to loosen up and feel beautiful, but she didn’t want to feel sober on the morningafter.

She learned about Newrene’s hubby who’s having an affair with an older woman.

They felt sad and thought of Miss D.

Adeline : I miss her terribly…I really do

Newrene : Miss D, her big eyes and her smiles. My god, really. Hey you know what?

Adeline : what is it?

Newrene : You got the same big eyes and same pretty smiles as her’s.

They smiled at each other, solemnly.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Beautiful.

There’s a reason why God made people wanting to be beautiful. The feeling of loving yourself for who you are is something much more beautiful than expecting others to love you.
End of story.

Round Table feat. Nino - Beautiful
English Translation

Before I close my eyes, inside my dream, I’m starting to melt the scenery
That seems like I’ve it seen before and the distant memory I recall just a little

I try to follow the path I walked with you before on my way
I’ll surely understand that the starry sky is an eternal vow

On such a day when you just call my name
And someone will surely locate you,
I know beautiful one day
Shining
I don’t want to be left behind
Why do I feel so alone

No matter what day it is, don’t forget that gentle feelings will visit
By just softly mumbling a love song that you start to whisper

Tell me why, if I’m with you, even if we’re separated, we can understand each other
Stretching our hands underneath the endless starry sky

A shooting shiny star is spreading
Its beginning is always at this place
When I look into your eyes
Near you
'Cause I just want you to be by my side
Make me smile night and day

On such a day when you just call my name
And someone will surely locate you,
I know beautiful one day
Shining
I don’t want to be left behind
Why do I feel so alone

A shooting shiny star is spreading
Its beginning is always at this place
When I look into your eyes
Near you
'Cause I just want you to be by my side
Make me smile night and day

3 = 1+1+1

this is 3 things combined into one.

1. PTPTN-CCRIS issue

my idea is, don't make a fuss much about this issue, as I felt a certain perception of Non-Malays about study loan.

You see, Non-Malays knows exactly the price of tertiary education.

remember this?
http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2013/07/17/Top-scorers-excitement-doused-by-varsitys-offer.aspx

other than this case, a schoolmate of mine, an Indian guy with great SPM result.

You see, realising it's a futile attempt to go to local university to study medicine, his family mortgage their house to the Bank to fund his studies in Medicine at India.

He's not a rich guy.

There are other non-malays who had much better results, but had to take bank loans and go to private institutions. Bank loans, ok?

Then the rich kids, their parents usually insist on their kids to take O' Level or A'Level studies, so that they could continue their studies at overseas universities.

Now, that's what Non-Malay feel and did anyway. Both the poor and the rich. They knew about the price of tertiary education. There's a price for it.

Now, you think, what do they felt when they see you harping on this  PTPTN-CCRIS issue? Even though there were many non-malay folks taking PTPTN, they knew it's a loan, and an alternative to a bank loan anyway.

Non-Malays, they deeply resented about the quotas, yet they kept their mouth shut because there's no benefit for them making noises about it. So when they see someone who makes noise about study-loan, imagine how their eyes look at you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Boleh ke non Muslims bagi salam?

The most lekeh issue out of all issues. But then Muslims like to harp on it. especially my younger brother.

I write this, sebab aku tgh sentap dgn dia ni tadi, anyway, I called all readers to see my point here, not the story or my bro. forgive him.

So on last Ramadan, while I was coming back from my  freelance job, the tyre of my small 100cc bike punctured.

Pushed the motorcycle to the repair shop, and there I see an ex-classmate of my younger brother.

We had a great chat, and at the end of the day, we exchanged goodbyes.

"Send regards to your brother, man!", is what Jeff said.

(skrg masuk dialog melayu)

Dan aku pun masuk ke rumah untuk berbuka, dan ternampak adik aku.

Aku : Oh tadi aku nampak jeff kat kedai motor tadi. Dia kirim salam kat kau

SB : BILA MASA DIA MASUK ISLAM? (nada lantang kuat)

Aku : Ha?

SB : BILA MASA DIA MASUK ISLAM? (nada lantang kuat)

Mood aku nak makan hilang. Mood aku nak muka senyum hilang. Aku rasa nak bagi penampar je kat mangkuk ni.

Dan SB yg holier than thou itu pun bertolak ke Masjid. Aku duk diam2 makan kat rumah.

Pada pukul 10 malam lebih selepas habis terawih, SB dtg kepada aku.

SB : Bro, rokok ada?

Aku : Takde.

SB : Oh.

Aku : Selama ni, aku keja ngan orang jepun, orang putih, semua ok je. Diorang selalu send regards.

SB : Send regards?

Aku : Send regards la. selalu kalau email pun ending dengan "Thanks and Best Regards". "Thanks and Best Wishes". Jeff tu tadi dia cakap send regards to your brother, sebab kau tak pandai english, aku translate je la jadi "kirim salam". Dan memang itu pun maksud dia. Salam tu kan peace. Kirim salam tu maknanya orang tu wish kau supaya selamat.

SB : Oh ye ke.

Aku : Dah tu, kalau Cina kirim salam kat kau, yang kau terfikir nak jawab Waalaikum salam tu apa hal? Kan bodoh! Kalau org bukan Islam kirim salam, kau cakap Thank You, kalau kau tak suka, kau diam. tak pun kau angguk. Apa masalah yg sampai nak complicated sangat?

SB : Ala tapi kan..

Aku : Kalau Cina tu terang2 cakap the actual arabic word Assalamualaikum, tu pun kau ada reason juga. Tapi bukan ke lebih berhemah kalau kau cakap Thank You, atau diam kalau tak suka.

Jangan complicate benda mudah2. Siap nak bawak hadis Yahudi cakap Waalaikumsam pulak. Itu memang dia betul2 nak celaka kan kau. Ini memang mamat Cina tu dia nak best wish kt kau.

Tu sebab, senang sikit cakap Thanks and Best Wishes kt seluruh mukabumi yang mengamalkan bahasa English ni, sbb ramai org suka sentap2 ngan benda2 yg simple tapi saja nak bagi complicated.

------------------------------------------------------------

 3. Aku akan tutup ruang komen.

Ada satu writer yg aku suka, he was a blogger (he deleted that), now he's novelist, spends much of his time in Tumblr and Twitter.

I liked his articles because basically it's the same line of thinking as mine.

nevertheless, what happened lately, gave me certain ideas on writing on this blog.

A. Implication of people in writing.

There, I did not practice what I preached by telling you folks about my bro. Hypocrite right?

And so, this novelist wrote a highly successful novel, about a love story.

Cuma problem dia, even though semua watak tu nama samaran, during blogging, during Twitters, during his venue, during real life, he mentioned the real names of people in that story and told everyone it's a true story.

And so what happens was, the real people got hurt in the issue

(Anyway aku ngan adik aku boleh settle case kami over food and cigarette, tapi mcm kes writing ni, dia involve other families, and other people outside from him).

B. Too much time with fans

And so, since he wrote a love novel based on a real life story and telling people it's a true story with this and this fella implicated, many girls liked him.

He got lots of followers.

I am one of the buyer of his books. But then, I felt that, as he got more famous, his writing deteriorates.

Recently he wrote a poem. Many fans "liked" the poem on social media, but I didn;t feel that poem is up to a standard I knew from his writing.

But the "likes" prevails.

You see, sometimes, in blog, social media, it's very hard to determine whether the writing is "liked" by it's goodness, or because of its' popularity.

It's because popularity is nothing but crowd psychology.

One of the closest friend of this novelist, told publicly on Twitter (because he was mad on certain personal issues), that this novelist should delete his Twitter, be incognito (in other words, it's anonymous) and try to publish a new writing under a different name because this guy felt, that the popularity consumes his writing to become worse.

Anyway, I'm not against this novelist, he can do whatever he wants, I just take any good idea from any incident in real life.

That's when I realised, why JD Salinger didn't like social life and became reclusive to the public.

It's because he loved writing, and he didn't want his writing to be affected by any demands of popularity.

For one, i'm an one of the person who likes to "yell"/menyalak at other people's blog. But it's about me having certain idea.

If I have an idea, I will throw it.

But if the blog post is about cooking speggheti, I don't know because I don't have any slightest knowledge about cooking Italian food, and so I don't comment.

And since my writing is still like shit, it's better for me to turn off the comment section, and instead, focus much about reading and reading and writing.

If I'm told the writing is good, then I don't know how to make it better.

If the writing is shit, people wouldn't comment at all.

Nevertheless, there are people who kept in touch with me in google plus, email and facebook, and it's better for me to get a personal view from this "friends".

I am one guy who deletes my own writing if I ain't satisfied with it. Or if you saw the shit writing isn't edited, that means I don't have enough time.

I will off the comment section on end of Thursday or early Friday because after this, I need to study for an interview.

Thanks and best wishes to all, and sorry. Salam.

What purely belongs to you

http://www.malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/no-holds-barred/58889-how-can-the-malays-ever-progress

What is purely belongs to you is your thinking.

Think.

The authority may banned you from writing, and so sometimes, you couldn't write.

Read Nyanyi Sunyi Seorang Bisu by Pramoedya Ananda Toer, written biographically about his arrest in 1969 after he was labelled as a communist, and then he was sent to Pulau Buru for isolation as a political prisoner. He was released on 1979.

That's what I told you about labelling anyway.

Some people may banned you from speaking. Not only authority, but your employer, your family and even your closed ones.

But nobody could stop you from thinking.

Remember Galileo Galeili, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, or million others, those who were asked to "prostrate" by force to the needs of the authority.

They were oppressed, but their ideas remains to this day.

Ideas by man and only that will last
And over time we've learned from the past
That no man's fit to rule the world alone
A man will die but not his ideals
- Happy Nation - Ace Of Base 

 

Cromok - I don't belong here

Insignificance

 

INSIGNIFICANCE

Video : a beautiful song from Morbid Angel - Desolate Ways, instrumental track, plucking style.

Writing is fictional.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Wise, knows best about things.

FD was a young upstart engineer who got lucky, sent to Dubai during his first job. What a lucky bastard.

Everybody's proud, family, friends and or of course FD himself.

And as usual, as many boys who changed into men, once the career starts on track, the men, will usually think about girls.

Men usually think about the opposite sex as frequent as he thinks about food. Just that when he felt confident about his life, he started to think seriously about girls. 

FD had a childhood crush on Elly, a girl living on the same neighbourhood. Their families knew each other well.

FD, is like other boys as well, had lots and lots of puppy love crushes. But whenever he went back to his village, his eyes will usually sneek upon to his neighbours, especially when Elly was hanging washed clothes outside her house.

And so, after a year or so working in Dubai, FD had a dream about Elly. 

He dreamt Elly was wearing a beautiful satin white wedding dress, inside a garden of roses. She look so beautiful and lovely, smiling at him.

FD woke up from his dream that morning, feeling something not easily expressed by words.

That weekend, FD bought a gold ring.

And so, he telephoned his mum, and told her his intention about Elly, how he liked Elly during his teens, and his intention to wed her.

His mum, sensing anticipation from his son, kept mum, and somehow FD never told his mom about the gold ring he bought. It's a surprise, and it will be a surprise.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Wise, knows best about things.

And so a few months afterwards, FD changed job from a Malaysian company to a Dubai company. He felt best staying there in Dubai,  the money exchange rates is advantageous.

And so, he got transferred to a project at Dubai Marina.

Dubai is off during Fridays. and so, on Thursdays, everybody were rushing to complete their jobs so that they can enjoy the weekend without headaches.

That Thursday morning, FD completed an M&E inspection on installation with the consultants, so that the Civil guys could proceed laying the concretes on the floor slabs on the next upcoming working day.

On the afternoon, he basically finished his job, and he called her mom on 5 pm, while waiting for other guys.

As usual, after saying hi and other funny introduction one usually does to her mom, he talked about Elly.

Mom : Boy, actually...I have to tell you something.

FD : What is it, mom?

Mom : Actually...actually, this Sunday, our village will be celebrating a wedding.

FD : Really? Wow so good, oh mine, I wish I could go back now.

Mom : It's Elly's wedding.

And so Mom told FD about Elly's engagement few months back, and her subsequent wedding which to be held that Sunday.

Somehow, FD realised the Elly's engagement was quite on the same time when he dreamt about Elly and the time when he bought the gold ring.

And so, at that moment, a man came back being a boy instead, crying incessantly, like baby new born.

Like a baby, which cries and complains in his drumming tears, about how cruel life is.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Wise, knows best about things.

And so while FD was feeling shattered, a shattered noise was heard, like an earthquake.

Everybody's was shocked.

http://gulfnews.com/news/gulf/uae/crime/seven-people-killed-in-construction-accident-at-dubai-marina-1.91707


Dubai: Seven people have been killed in a construction accident in Dubai Marina.20 people have been injured in the accident, which happened at 6.20pm on Thursday. It is believed the accident happened when scaffolding on a bridge under construction on the Al Suffouh Road collapsed....

.....Jamal Al Merri, deputy commandant of Dubai Police told Gulf News: "The pillar collapsed, killing seven people instantly and injuring 24, according to preliminary information.

"There are no workers under the rubble. All other workers have been accounted for."

FD could not believed his eyes. It was happening there just few hundred meters from him.

He felt shocked.

What he sees is something more tragic than a broken love. It's Death itself.

That night, everybody's on TV and talk about the incident that happened just few hundred meters from them.

Friend : FD, did you notice on the news, the media specifically mentioned that there are no workers found in the rubble?

FD : yeah la..why is it?

Friend : No worker found in rubble, and yet seven were killed instantly.

FD : Yeah, now I notice it. Why?

Friend : Most who were killed are those poor workers from India and Bangladesh. What a pity, their life was taken just like a snap, just like that.

FD : .....

Friend : You know what, FD, the media will never report the names of those killed. As usual as always. Construction accidents like this, they will never report the names. It'll implicate the big companies.

FD : Really?

Friend : In Malaysia it's like that also. You will hear media reports mentioning names of people got killed in traffic accidents. But you will never hear about names in the construction accident. The report is usually very brief. Like I said, big companies will be hurt, but the names are just workers or engineers on site. Only body count will be reported, and recorded. Numbers in a forgotten files.

FD : Numbers in a forgotten files?

Friend : Yup, in the end they are just numbers in a forgotten file.

That night, FD played the song Insignificance by Pearl Jam repeatedly while looking at the gold ring.

Bombs dropping down, please forgive my hometown, in our insignificance.

He imagined wildly while smoking Pall Mall cigarettes. 

He envisioned of Elly's romantic wedding in a heavenly garden of roses, clutching hands of his bridegroom happily and smiling at him, while at the other part of the Earth, some poor family are crying while clutching dead bodies of their loved ones.

Dear God is the Most Perfect and Most Wise, knows best about things.

Boys will be men, sometimes by means of love and confidence. But there are boys who become men by learning the meaning of insignificance.

aku seorang fasiq

this is an emotional ranting. after somedays, aku quite sure akan delete this and re-edit nicely, sbb aku ni sakit mata tgk writing ntahapahapa. tapi aku tulis dan put in form dulu.

bila aku terbaca somewhere ada Muslim yang menulis "doa orang muslimin datang berbondong2 mcm bola jiwa kurin" (refer dragonball), "dgn askar ikhwan yg dibantu doa orang muslimeen insyallah tapau la mereka:"...aku rasa cam celaka.

nevertheless, aku tak suka LABEL orang. perasaan celaka yg aku rasa tu ialah disebabkan diri aku sendiri.

Aku seorang fasiq, let it be clear about it.

Fasiq ni secara simple dia, kau tak buat suruhan agama yg Tuhan suruh, dan kau tak tinggal larangan agama yg Tuhan larang.

Aku tau level aku macam mana. Aku cuba cukup2 kan sembahyang yg dulu2 tinggal, dan try buang ke-fasiq-an apa patut, try buang "kelalaian" dlm hidup. contoh kelalaian paling mudah ialah rokok.

Ke-fasiq-an ni, utk aku, aku rasa dalam private level, meaning aku buat dlm private life, x de kaitan ngan orang, dan aku x de nak proud show off kejahatan hidup sbb it ain't cool in the first place. benda tu keji.

Bila kau cakap ada org sembahyang 5 waktu pun tapi perangai teruk, aku cakap kau silap. Itu kau dengar2 cakap org dan kau tertipu. Kalau kau jaga betul2 memang akan jaga dari fahsya' dan mungkar.

Seriously, based on personal experience. Aku pernah 5 waktu perfect for some time (x lama pun), mmg ada "penjagaan" tu. Lepas tu bila tinggal sikit, memang kau tinggal banyak, dan penjagaan tu hilang.

keji = mungkar
fahsya = kejahatan yg ada kaitan ngan lust especially seks.

Pada aku ke-fasiq-an akan cure sendiri kalau kau jaga sembahyang, dan dia akan fully cured bila kau boleh bangun tengah malam buat tahajjud. Ini based on own experience.

Sbb kalau boleh sampai level bangun tengah malam buat tahajjud, maknanya kau memang serious nak baikkan kehidupan beragama kau.

Pada aku, menipu satu kefasiqan. tengok gambar artist2 nelydia senrose tu pun satu kefasiqan. (kau tengok dia pasal lawa kan?)

Tapi nak ckp benda tu acceptable dlm life, nope. Aku anggap aku ada "penyakit" je.

Kalau ikutkan, seorang fasiq tak boleh angkat sumpah, tak boleh jadi wali dalam perkahwinan, dan mcm lagi terms and conditions regarding fasiq.

Tapi, as a Muslim, pious atau fasiq, pada aku, basic skali dalam kehidupan beragama ni adalah faith.

Aku takkan berdebat dgn seorang atheis. Kau tahu kenapa?

Pada aku, atheis ada faithlessness ni datang dari satu sikap nama self-sufficient.

Kalau kau duduk tekan laptop kau dalam bilik kau yg aman damai, ada kipas, ada kopi panas, semuanya lengkap, memang senang untuk kau berhujah itu dan ini tentang Tuhan tu tak wujud. Kau banyak idea and so forth.

Pada aku, senang je. Try campakkan diri kau dalam satu boat di tengah laut. Masa ombak melambung2, kau seorang diri, aku yakin secara naturalnya, masa tgh helpless tu,  kau akan panggil dan berharap, invoke satu kuasa besar, atau nama lainnya God.

Itu fitrah as a manusia. Bila Tuhan kata manusia dijadikan untuk menyembahNya, of course Dia akan jadikan satu element dalam diri manusia tu be naturally towards penyembahan Tuhan.

Manusia tu memang bersifat menyembah. Pada banyak benda, duit, perempuan, dunia, cuma mcm dalam Islam, dalam kalimah syahadah tu, dia menidakkan ilah ilah lain (ilah tu punca, penyembahan), hanya ada satu ilah iaitu God itself.

Bila kita bercerita tentang penyembahan, ada 1-2 element yg perlu untuk seseorang itu menyembah.

Imam Ghazali dalam Ihya Ulumiddin wrote is as takut dan harap.

Aku fokus kat word harap tu. Hope.

Kalau takde hope, kau tak mungkin menyembah. Dan kau takkan rasa perlu untuk hope kalau kau rasa self-sufficient.

Dari hope, datanglah doa (invocation), kau merayu.

dari Doa dan rayuan tu, Tuhan selalunya akan campakkan satu benda nama Harapan. Percayakan kepada Harapan ni lah yg dikatakan Faith, iaitu foundation bagi mana2 agama dalam dunia ni pun.

lepas tu Tuhan upgrade sikit, dia suruh kau Takut. from there, dalam Islam ada benda nama Taqwa, dlm buku ckap kau tahu kau tak nampak Tuhan, tapi kau tahu Tuhan nampak kau. basically, kau takut dan alert.

Fasiq macam aku ni, sbb Taqwa tu kurang. Sbb tak takut la, maka kau berani tengok gambar Nelydia Senrose.

Tapi bila kau rasa invocation tu lekeh, aku rasa kena fikir2 pasal whether diri ini betul2 self-sufficient or not.

Dan pada aku, kalau kau ada both takut dan harap, maka dalam dunia ni, tak patut kalau kau tak de element humility dalam hidup.

Tu kadang2 bila aku fikir kenapa aku tak kahwin lagi dan hidup tak better, aku try cari jawapan2 lain, but still jawapan paling tepat dia ialah Jaga Sembahyang.

Ok sekian.

don't joke about egypt 2013 please

I don't have a Twitter, but I read other folks Twitter. Mainly to know what others think of, to get a public sentiment feeling.

So now everybody's talking of Egypt. Anyway this is something that I kept to myself, because I personally feel, the issue is much much more complicated. Any issue regarding Middle East is damn well complicated.

Hey, even the smart brains in those USA think tank foundations also could not get it right, how could you?

But when I read sarcasm and jokes by Malaysians, aiyoh you guys. People got killed there.

You have to first learn about Egypt and Israel, you got to look at the 6 day war in 1967, and the next offensive by Egypt during 1973.

In the stalemate, it results in Camp David Accords in 1978.

OK, I'll start from here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camp_David_Accords

"The agreement also resulted in the United States committing to several billion dollars worth of annual subsidies to the governments of both Israel and Egypt, subsidies which continue to this day, and are given as a mixture of grants and aid packages committed to purchasing U.S. materiel. From 1979 (the year of the peace agreement) to 1997, Egypt received military aid of US$1.3 billion annually, which also helped modernize the Egyptian military.^[19] (This is beyond economic, humanitarian, and other aid, which has totaled more than US$25 billion.) Eastern-supplied until 1979, Egypt now received American weaponry such as the M1A1 Abrams Tank, AH-64 Apache gunship and the F-16 fighter jet. In comparison, Israel has received $3 billion annually since 1985 in grants and military aid packages.^"

Ok now. Due to region stabilization, USA provided money to both Egypt and Israel.

Now think.

In a government, there's a executive power (elected government), police, military, President, etc.

If I were USA, to which fella should I give this funds to?

My answer is the military.

My reasoning is simple, elected government might get changed and so different leaders might have different views and various way handling the funds.

Better give it to the military brass, because their post are determined by seniority, and also power-play within the folks. Nevertheless, you'll get the same way handling, the same views. Especially when you are funding it with weapons, which actually can be sold.

(Go read Robert Fisk and study about weapons market in Middle East).

In Egypt case, it was first handled by Anwar Sadat then next is Hosni Mobarak, both were ex-generals and hold a card in the power-play in military politics.

Next Arab Spring happens, and Hosni Mobarak was ousted.

Ask yourself, to whom now shall the funds from USA will be directed to?

Ikhwanul Muslimin, and Morsi were not military people, and so were not really respected by military brass, they were politicians.

That's why just after 1 year, Morsi were ousted militarily. MILITARILY.

The final sign to oust Morsi was when Morsi commanded to send a military force to help stabilise Syria.

Those Tamarrod, people power or whatsoever, are just small poker players in this game. This is a delicate game involving nations in Middle East, US, Russia and even European countries.

It's about money and military. If the people's power is advantageous to these players, then people's power will be allowed.

Didn't Tukar Tiub always mentioned Emma Goldman famous quote, that "If elections could change things, it will be outlawed"?

I'm saddened when somebody in Malaysia, inside their peaceful room, decided to crack jokes or sarcasm about Egypt, Ikhwan or whatsoever.

People got killed there, mate.

Note:

Previously I attached a photo of a Twitter page from a famous blogger, which mentioned sarcastically about global qunut nazilah to Egyptian. I’m a left-brain dominant guy, and so sense and sensibility kicks in and told me to delete it.


I just thought to myself, if I see a shit, why the hell should I raise this shit with my bare hands for everybody to see and take lesson? It just made my hand dirtier and smellier.

I should get a life. Stop reading Twitter you numbskull.

Kiasu

 Note : This evening I chatted in the comment section of a blogger named Mecha Praline, http://mechapraline.blogspot.com/, where he mention about kiasuland. That inspires me to write this.

We have no butter, but I ask you.

Would you rather have butter or guns?

Shall we import lard or steel?

Let me tell you.

Preparedness makes you powerful,

Butter merely makes you fat.

That was a speech by Herman Goerring, and also featured in the inlay of Fat Of The Land album by Prodigy.

before I discuss here about Kiasu, let it be clear on the definition of kiasu-ism itself.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiasu

To me, it's about fear of losing. In essence, it's about competitveness.

You see, the reason army do a lot of drilling and military exercises is about alertness.

First and foremost, before I started talking about Malay, is that I have to state here, that I'm not a pure Malay.

My skin color is the same color as those Kitol and Mendeliar folks that were blamed for the downfall of Malacca, even though I personally felt that the Portuguese basically outgunned the Malaccans. (I might be wrong anyway)

And so, reflecting back, if I criticised too much about the Malay folks, I might suffer the same consequences as Munsyi Abdullah, a mamak who criticised Malay as "lazy folks" while working under Sir Stamford Raffles.

Nevertheless, I have the same religion with Malays, my father was a pure Malay, I lived a Malay culture with my family although my father told me to mix more with non-Malays.

You see, during my childhood, the Malay kids used to call the name "Keling". I learned that (never sure whether it's true or not by the way, but it seems logical) Keling is from the sound of metal clinging, which were used on Indian slaves brought by the British to work on rubber plantations in Malaya.

There's no use telling them, that my Indian grandfather came to Malaya as a businessmen selling textiles. To them, I'm black and I'm a Keling, that's it.

My brother never suffered the same because he looks like a pure Malay. Ironically, my mother too (she looks like a fair skinned Nelydia Senrose)

Anyway, because I'm born that way, my father instill in me the same fear and kiasu-ism during my childhood.

The need to excel because you don't really belong to a race.

He didn;t force it to my bro though.

Ok back to the Kiasu story.

You see, in the Chinese culture (and mostly Asian culture), there's a term "lose face" whenever failure is imminent.

Beside individual self-instinct to propel forward, the "Lose face" siege mentality also drives the folks further.

When you have that, you tend to look the forest from the trees (see a bigger picture), and try to see an opening where you can either obtain money or goodness.

Or if a bigger picture is of no use, they try to focus and find any weakness.

If not, the Chinese old folks usually advice the youngsters to go back to Chinese history regarding 36 Strategy or other Chinese wisdom which were gained during the wars at China quite long time ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirty-Six_Stratagems

The beauty of this culture mindset is, you tend to look at business, or even ordinary things, in terms of War, or in terms of gaining advantage.

Honestly, I learn all this mindset while I was working in construction line.

To me, it's about fear of losing. In essence, it's about competitveness.

And it's good.

Still, as Malay proverb, "Buang Yang Keruh, Ambil yang jernih", take only what is good, and dump away all unnecessary things.

And Muslim folks also learn about Wasatiyah (taking the middle path, not to go to extremes).

Knowing this, I think it's unwise to be too much kiasu, because you lose advantage, and it's unwise to be so kiasu about kiasu-ism itself.

Do necessary things which give advantage for fear of losing.

Just that, about the Malays, I just wish the Malays have the same spirit of competitiveness.

That's why, I respected the Malay old folks (the old timers) who learn Silat. Because thinking about outdoing your enemy, if it's applied in real life, it's good.

My father learn in Agama school, and have the Eman Manan mentality like those in 80's Malay movies, which favours the Silat and Traditional Malay culture thinking.

My father was a Silat practitioner. Nevertheless, during the 70's and 80's, he felt outgunned by other folks who obtained economic advantageous thru cunning-ness, English education background, connections to politics, etc.

Especially when he saw his wife (my mom) who had English education background,  had a much better career-life and much better salary than he is. (after working in UM, my mom went to work in Kwong Yik Bank, now it's RHB bank after merger with other banks)

That's why, when one day, he learned that his eldest son was being called a Keling, he took effective measures, even though harsh, to make sure that his eldest son did not suffer like him.

Dictatorshit

Previous post about Agent Orange was written while waiting for my brother to get ready, to go to Jumaat Prayer today (16 August 2013)

I live in Kajang which is under the Malaysian state of Selangor.

And so, what happens today, after the khatib finished the sermon and about to start the Jumaat prayer, he announced:-

"Due to instruction from Selangor Islamic Religion Department, we shall perform Qunut Nazilah on our Jumaat Prayer, due to recent military killings of Muslims at Egypt.

We shall also perform the Solat Jenazah Ghaib (prayer for the dead) to those martyrs killed at Egypt"

During the recitation of qunut nazilah, the imam (leading man during prayer) recited with full emotion that I think he almost cried. Nevertheless, those images of people getting killed at Egypt propped out on my mind during the recitation.

Then we perform the Solat Jenazah Ghaib (Prayer for the Dead). Almost half of the people participated previously in the Jumaat prayer joined, including myself.

Anyway, I've written my views regarding the current Egypt issue here.

http://firdaus-9898.blogspot.com/2013/07/draft-ramadan-offensive-1973.html

Not that I'm pro-Morsi or whatever, just that Middle East issues are very much complicated, for Malaysians to just throw away our comments.

When I heard the views of Marina Mahathir, Najib Tun Razak (Malaysia Prime Minister), and other guys, I just keep my mouth shut and tell my self "Guys, I don't agree with you, it's too early"

My views is that it is something about military, as always, when we talked about Middle East issues.

You see, military have this element called military complex, and thus, funds are pumped by Government to ensure the defence of a nation. And so, who controls the military complex, have a card to play in the politics of a nation. Go read Sun Tzu Art of War.

Ok, there's Tamarrod, where people are not satisfied with the governance of Ikhwanul Muslimin elected President, Morsi.

But then, you should also know prior to that, Morsi intends to send a military force to help stabilise the recent act at Syria.

You know what happened? The military does not follow Morsi's order, instead, criticises him badly. Go read articles in The Independent newspaper by Robert Fisk. (link is there at my blog).

If you compare to Malaysia, it's the same like the Army who disobeys the Agong. (not the PM, the Agong, which is same status as President).

I've written before about Monarchy in Malaysia, and why it's there and why it's best to keep it that way instead of Republic.

You see, in Malaysia, we have this element called Check and Balance, where the Executive Power (Government elected thru elections) are checked by the Agong (Monarchy) and the Court of Law.

If we replaces Agong with a election-elected President, then in Malaysia, we'll have the scenario where the President will be from the same party as the Prime Minister who leads the Executive Power.

Military who is under the President/Agong, as in many country's practice, will be together implicated in the politics, if the President/Agong plays a part in the politics.

That's why in Malaysia, you realised that the Agong is "distant" from the plays of politics of those political parties in Malaysia. And so by this respect, the Agong also obtains respect from the Army which is confident that the Agong does not bias any political party.

What happens in Egypt, is the loss of check and balance, and so bullets, tanks and jet fighters rule the day..

 Sepultura - Dictatorshit (1995)
1964
Coup d'etat
Military force
Hundreds dead

Why did they disappear ?
Dictatorshit
Why did they disappear ?
Dictatorshit

Tortura Nunca Mais!! (Torture never again)

1995
Spirit still alive
We still hear the cry
From the one that survived !!

Why did they disappear ?
Dictatorshit
Why did they disappear ?
Dictatorshit

Agent Orange

Agent Orange is the code name for a powerful herbicide and defoliant used by the U.S. military during the Vietnam War.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agent_orange

Read this too. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Ranch_Hand

"The "Ranch Handers" motto was "Only you can prevent a forest"^[1] – a take on the popular U.S. Forest Service poster slogan of Smokey Bear. During the ten years of spraying, over 5 million acres (20,000 km²) of forest and 500,000 acres (2,000 km²) of crops were heavily damaged or destroyed. Around 20% of the forests of South Vietnam were sprayed at least once." - Wikipedia

The metal band Sodom created this track inspired by this defoliant Agent Orange, who not only killed many Vietnamese, it also causes birth defects and still birth to future Vietnamese, felt to this day.

Sodom - Agent Orange (1987)

Operation "Ranch Hand"
Spray down the death
Down on their farms

Assault against the population
Suppress by military arms

Only you prevent the forest
Legalize the war

They are deprived of their power
Eradication without law

Agent Orange
Agent Orange
Agent Orange
A fire that doesn't burn

All the marks erased long ago
Scars are healed up

Cancer creeps into their innocent souls
Memorials of flesh and blood

Have survived unlawfully punished
Poisoned till the end of their lives

Physical deformity
What medicine will help?
Still births will rise

Agent Orange
Agent Orange
Agent Orange
A fire that doesn't burn

Grieved weak hearts are crying
Waiting for the end

In this condition they are dying
Newborns of the damned

Preserved in test tubes for generations
Vicious circle of transmission

There's no way for reparations
Must live with chemical agent called....

Agent Orange
Agent Orange
Agent Orange
A fire that doesn't burn

Agent Orange... burn
Agent Orange... burn
Agent Orange... burn

Kids

This writing is Malaysian in nature.

Honestly this idea of writing came out while reading cursingmalay.blogspot.com regarding gays in Malaysia.

http://cursingmalay.blogspot.com/2013/08/mari-cek-kalau-ada-abang-adikabah-atau.html

This is not a reaction to that, it’s merely a thought that comes forth while thinking about it.

My views on gays in Malaysia, is actually about kids.

This is not about me being homophobic. It’s just that I think I figured out the “why” part.

What happens today was, kind of like the story at buasirotak.blogspot.com of a kid who masturbates inside a cybercafé while watching pornography.

http://buasirotak.blogspot.com/2013/08/surau-tokong-onani-dan-macam2-hal-lepas.html

I went to a cybercafé today, and at the end of the session, I went to a counter to pay the remaining dues.

And so, I watched a male kid, barely 10-12 yrs old, opening a facebook page of nude girls and he chose to save a nude photo of a lady with pair of big boobs.

Honestly, if that guy was an adult, I wouldn’t give a damn, because it’s his private space and he could spend all his hard-earned money for whatever reason that I shouldn’t be bothered about.

But then, it was a kid, 10-12 yrs old, surrounded by his other kid-friends, who made a large “waaaaa” when he saved the photo.

I screamed at that kid.

Me : “What the hell are you watching that porno?, You are not even mature enough to reach puberty?”

Kid : chill bro, it’s just fun.

Me : Yeah, but your fun is fake.

Kid : What do you mean?

Me : Seriously kid, are you going to masturbate over that? No, right? Because you have not reached puberty yet.

Kid : chill bro.

Me : I know why it’s fun to you. Because it made you feel cool in front of this bastards, right? (pointing to his other friend)

Kid : (Not uttering a single word)

Me : Kid, if you’re an adult, I could pity and understand your needs. But it’s not yet a need for you, you are not doing it for lust, you are doing it because you want to look cool! And hell, it’s fake.

Kid : (Not uttering a single word)

Me : If you think this is cool, then you are wrecking yourself. You know why I screamed at you?

Kid : sorry bro.

Me : Because you couldn’t respect yourself. Your need to be cool is more important than your self-respect. I screamed at you because I don’t respect people who couldn’t respect themselves, bro.

Kid : sorry bro.

Me : Kid, If you growup long enough, your bastard friends would remember you as a kid who downloaded porn. You think they respected you then? Nope.

I didn’t feel a need to flinch open a religious book or whatsoever. Because I knew that feeling as a kid. The need to have an identity, peer pressure and acceptance.

I had a few gay friends back then, 1 in Kajang during my growing up, and another is a guy who studied on the same Matriculation College as mine.

You think that they become soft because they had certain defects.

Nope.

It’s because that’s an identity that they choose while growing up.

And worse, they mixed around with other members who felt the same way, and the group feeling reinforces their identity to gay.

But I don’t hate them. I studied with them, and basically, I didn’t try to convert them because I myself was looking for an identity myself.

It’s all part of a growing up process. And people make mistakes.

I did. When I was in High School, I had a nickname, which to this day, I regret. Nevertheless, when I see old schoolmates, I told them not to call me by that nickname.

I found my identity, through my growing up with a strict father, but I found my outlet of resentment by my music.

And so at the age of 17, I shaved my head bald, because of that poster photo of Phil Anselmo of Pantera.

It was further reinforced, when at that same year, WWF Smackdown featured in TV3 at 10 pm, where Stone Cold Steve Austin made that famous “stunner” act.

I was a nerdish and a very emotionally weak guy who got battered daily by my father then. But that music which questions everything, authority, laws, ideas and politics kept my mind open and wanting to be great.

Like the Slayer band, yeah, the lyrics from the album Hell Awaits speaks of Satanism and demonic things, but to me, it’s not the Satanism/demonic image that excites me.

It’s the aggression of life that made me like Slayer. The satanic/demonic thing is just a spooky effect. It’s that just these guys wanting to play a music that is fast and extreme.

Since I feel battered about my life, aggression fuels me to go forward. Or in Pantera’s music, the need to be Far beyond driven. Grindcore questions politics. Death Metals talks about morbidity and how shallow this life is.

I don’t give a shit to those trendy kids who wanting to be Black metal or Goth kids who throw up religious books, because I knew, the kids were wanting to be cool, and further deep inside, they were looking for an identity to be accepted.

I listened to Black Metal, had the same level of enjoyment, yet I knew those satanic/demonic is just a spooky effect.

It’s the aggression in the music that excites me.

The same spooky effect you get while you’re watching gory movies.

But then, those kids and friends who end up being gay, maybe they had not the opportunity to choose this.

Nevertheless, the gay kids, I wonder, is it really that you are feel more towards men, or is it just an identity you feel cool with?

From my experience, it’s the latter.

Then, don’t preach that gay is cool and should be accepted as a norm.

Just because it fits you, then you want others to feel pity towards you.

Nope.

I will interact with you like other guys, with respect, if you respect me back.

But don’t go around preaching that’s it’s a norm. Because it’s not. Because in fact, it’s not a trend, it’s a sexual preference. Or in my friend’s case, it’s because it’s cool being feminine.

Now, if gay is a cool trend and it felt nice to feel that way, let me tell you something.

By the time you get older, you will find on one honest moment, you will question yourself about the values that you felt cool with.

We all get older, or we just die young.

The thing is, when you get older, it’s hard to go back. You will feel an identity crisis. And it might haunt you.

The thing is, this gay, masturbation by kids ain’t reaching puberty, illicit things, drugs, it’s all about choices one made.

It’s not a desease . It’s an option. It’s a choice.

But then, that’s life. Everybody, including myself, we all got our dues in life to pay.

Note : I didn’t quote any religious text or so. Just street-speak, from an adult to another adult. Anyway the point of this, is telling these kids, this things are choices. And these things ain’t cool, brother.

Merciless

Note : This is spontaneous writing, it came during these "honest" moments in life. Therefore, I'll write in Malay/English. Forgive me.

Aku berhari raya mengikut parents ke Johor, Kota Tinggi dan Batu Pahat.

As my stepfather's instruction, we went to graveyards of our relatives, and most importantly, we went to my grandparents cemetery field, located at Batu Pahat on 2nd day of Raya.

Grandparents on my mother's side.

First we went to grandpa's grave, Mustaffa Bin Kassim, passed away on 20th Ramadan on the Masihi year of 1980. He was 60 years old. He passed away at 7.30 am in the morning.

Then after recitation of prayers, next we went to my grandmother's grave, just a few "graves" away.

Her name is Zaharah binti Mahmud.
She passed away on 10th ramadan at 11.30pm night on the masihi year of 1971.

What struck me at that time is, I found out she passed away at the age of 32.

Yup, at 32 years old, she already bear 12 kids, the youngest was 3 months.

 My mom, the 2nd eldest were 15 yrs old.

And many theory came out on why she died that day, most related to certain property taking or dengki-khianat like those found at Malay tabloids, or those malay dramas.

To me, the reason why, seems so merciless.

Yet again, I soothe myself with the knowledge that God is maha merciful and benevolence.

What struck me most, is the age when she died. 32.

Because this year, I'm 31 yrs old.

Then I realised.

I don't really have much time left living. The thing is, it's just 20 over years left for me to withdraw my EPF. And it's just another 40 yrs less to reach the age of 60.
And maybe less.

I don't really have much time left, not because of sickness, but because I realised I already lived 30 yrs breathing on this Earth.

And so, I reflected much, after I left the cemetary yard, up to this day this post is written.

You see, I remembered about my brother, my past puppy love, those time spent, those people.

And so i told myself.

I will leave out those who are negative, because the remaining days ain't worth spending on negative things.

I will leave out those who disrespects, because I would like to spend my remaining days feeling better about myself.

Yesterday, one of my cousin, told me in FB something negative about our cousins, and so I decided to block her out of my Facebook.

Sorry, I don't want to hear any negative stories. If it hurts, so be it.

Even though I ain't married, but now I think, it's better to be alone than be with someone who made your day feeling bitter.

Nevertheless, if someone comes along, I just ride along, provided that the days spent with her is well-worth.

Not just her, anybody, including friends and folks.

It's time to be merciful to myself by being merciless to others, not in a bad way, but in making sure that those worth being with, are those worth keeping.

Let friends be few and far between, because distance and space is what makes a relationship with other people sweet and simple , because everybody's got their dues in life to pay.

What is important at the end of the day, are respect and well-thoughts.

Aerosmith- Dream On

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things you do, come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
And dream until your dream come true
Dream on [7x]

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing it for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing it for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing it for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Understanding Crowd Behaviour, Malaysian Politics using Japanese TV show

Summary of this article  can be found at my Tumblr http://beyondthispunkt.tumblr.com/post/58001220257/

This article/writing is Malaysian in nature.

 

During 2011/2012 (which year I’m not sure but it is within this period), I started started commenting in the comment section on blogs that I liked. Tehtarikgelasbesar.blogspot.com,  pseudosains.blogspot.com, terfaktab.blogspot.com (especially when Nami tehtarikgelasbesar posting at terfaktab) and few others which I couldn’t remember.

As time progresses, I realized that actually, the comments section is ruled by crowd behaviour and not so much on the content of the post. This crowd behaviour is much driven by the need of the individuality of each post reader to :-

1. express themselves
2. to communicate with others

If you’re Malaysian, go read hanis zalikha, blogserius, terfaktab and other “fun” blogs.

I once stated this point of view anonymously for reading at http://pseudosains.blogspot.com/2012/03/social-study-of-viewer-participation-in.html

I summarized my view as follows:-

The comment section in Malaysian blogs, if it reaches 7-8 comments within 24 hours after posting, that posting will receive more than 10 comments afterwards. If the post couldn’t receive more than 7-8 comments within the specified period,  only that much of comments will remain. It’s the speed of comments that will help increase numbers of comments.

I edited my view a little bit, previously I mentioned 15 comments per 6 hours, but then nowadays, 7-8 comments per day is still adequate to generate comments.

The whole exercise of thinking about this might be stupid , nevertheless, I think that this actually describes the fluidity of socio-behaviour in Malays in Malaysia. Crowd behaviour rules!

Actually I believe that even Malaysian Malay politics is much driven by crowd behaviour according to 4 things, which I will call as 3R+1E

Religion

Race

Royalty

Entertainment

I will use a vidclip from Okaashan to Isho, a Japanese TV Okaasan to Isho, featuring kids dancing according to the songs and dance by the facilitators. Watch below.

By the end of the show, the famous song “Tsupurapii Tsupurapaa” will be played.

It will start with a yellowish cute creature (makhluk kuning comel) saying something in Japanese, then he started blowing his trumpet, and walking to the back of the stage.

Notice that few kids automatically followed the creature, without instruction. The kids just followed on pure impulse.

The other kids just watch their friends with a blank face. By this time the four facilitators (usually 2 handsome guy (brother) and 2 cute lady (sister)) started singing and making certain act dance while singing.

Then one guy will scream “ikuzo!” (means let’s go!)

The 2 guys and the 2 ladies will start jumping with certain kids dance move, and the song goes into upbeat mode.

After a few seconds, the kids will naturally followed jumping together. With passion driven by watching cute sisters and brothers jumping while listening to the upbeat song.

After some moment, some kids will stop dancing and instead watch upwards or other friends.

By this time, the yellowish creature will scream “ikuzo!” (means let’s go!)

What happens then, 1 guy and 1 lady will form a rainbow, and one lady will slowly push a few kids to walk under the rainbow.

Notice that, the other kids will follow the “walk under the rainbow” act while listening to the “tsupurapii tsupurapaa tsupurapii puu uu”.

No need for instruction, the kids just followed by pure impulse.

And they followed happily.

If you ponder this in a sarcasm mode, you will realize that is actually how Malaysian politics works in Malaysia.

The 4 facillitators represent the four elements, race issues, religion issues, royalty issues and entertainment issues.

The political masters, who in this case represented by the yellowish creature (makhluk kuning comel), it will just play a tune and the other kids will just follow happily.

The four elements will have to play according to this tune, like the race issue for instance.

For royalty, I have no comments, because I think I’m a little bit pro-royalty. Actually, Royalty is not really an issue in Malaysia, but I suspect that sometimes certain people like to raise and provoke this issues, in order to make the four elements “dance” towards the tune so that the people could follow obediently and “happily”.

I will explain here also about my pro-royalist view.

In Malaysia, if you studied academically on Constitution, there’s a chapter called Check and Balance, where 3 elements, the Executive Power (Government), the Court of Law, and the Royalty, each with their power vested by the Constitution will do a check and balance on each other.

You see, if you want Malaysia to be a republic, that means you need to elect a President in Malaysia, with the same function and power., thru elections.

The problem that I see in Malaysia in terms of republic, is the election of President will be bias towards the party which has the most seats in the Parliament. Because the President will be chosen by a political party, instead of Royalty which practices succession of rulers by birth.

By then you will see, a President and a Prime Minister that come from the same party which have the strongest seat in Parliament.

If this happens, then there will be no check-and-balance towards the Executive Power (Government), because both belong to the same party.

Certain issues was raised by people about the Royalty, especially when money’s involved, nevertheless, I see a safe bet in pro-Royalty in terms of this check-and-balance view.

And I did see that the Royalty nowadays had a better education and point of view than their predecessors, some graduated from overseas.

Back to the story about crowd behaviour.

I think that, nowadays, the people didn’t find the “tune” played before to be as cute as it was.

This is because of economy, and most importantly, purchasing power.

You can sing whatever happy tune you like, put forth as many entertainment you want, but if the people started to feel less value in their money, then instead of a happy tune, you will hear sounds of discontent.

Because of corruption, people see that certain people acquire wealth thru less effort.

There’s no value-added in wealth then. Wealth can be purchased through connections.

People will start increasing prices so that they too can achieve the same wealth.

If you see the forest from the trees, you will find that this leads to inflation, because money is increased not thru value-addition effort, but through value manipulation and corruption,  the value of money will become lesser and lesser.

In Bangladesh, I learn that when they finally became independent from India during the 70’s, the value of Taka (Bangladesh currency) was 3 Taka equals to 1 USD.(much less the same value of Ringgit Malaysia in 2013)

By the time I got back from my project there in December 2012, one USD equals to 80 Taka.

Why?

No value addition effort, instead corruption and value manipulation ruled the economy.

People no longer cared about the happy tunes anymore. They migrate so they could walk happily under the rainbow, like those kids in Okaasan to Isho.